02/08/2025
Norwood Now Discourse Delusion (NNDD)
A community-induced cognitive disorder affecting those who willingly engage in inane Norwood-Now conversations.
Symptoms:
✅ Hyper-fixation on local drama
✅ Severe misplaced priorities – Will argue for hours about no left turns out of Stop n’ Shop and the Morse St bridge but ignore actual town issues.
✅ Recurring rage episodes – Arms themselves with phrases like “It’s always been this way” and “if you don’t like it, move out.”,
✅ Phantom town nostalgia – Believes Norwood was objectively better in an unspecified golden era.
✅ Comment section addiction – Convinced they can “win” a Facebook argument against someone whose profile picture is an eagle with the words “Proud American Patriot”.
✅ Delusions of grandeur – Thinks they are the only sane person left in town, yet still voluntarily participates in discussions.
✅ Spontaneous paranoia – Fear that Town Meeting is secretly controlled by the General Manager, a Union or big developer, depending on the day.
✅ Mild masochism – Keeps clicking on threads that they know will ruin their day.
Other symptoms include:
• Persistent urge to engage in town debates despite knowing it will lead to existential despair
• Unshakable belief that logic and facts will prevail in Facebook comment sections
• Sudden spikes in blood pressure upon hearing the phrase “MBTA 3A Communities Law…”
• Compulsive need to explain town bylaws to people
• Episodes of asking inane questions like “Does anyone know if trash will be picked up tomorrow?”, “did anyone hear the helicopter?” (Insert any question that can be answered by a simple google search here)
Common Triggers:
• Any discussion about new businesses and/or housing developments opening
• The MBTA
• Moderna
• Zoning disputes
• Diversity, Equity, Inclusion /Anti-Hate/Racism/Bigotry discussions
• Anything involving young people
• Property taxes
Treatment Options:
🛑 Early intervention – Logging off before engaging in a debate about whether Norwood really needs another apartment building.
🚶 Exposure therapy – Talking to a rational town resident in real life to remember they do, in fact, exist.
📵 Digital detox – Blocking the Norwood Now group from social media and enjoying life again.
🌿 Self-care – Touching grass, but preferably not on the Town Common where someone is already arguing about dog waste.
Other Treatment Options:
• Immediate and complete disengagement from local discourse
• Blocking at least three people a week for self-preservation
• Accepting that some people simply refuse to be helped
*(Severe cases may require temporary relocation.)
Prognosis:
• Untreated NNDD can lead to Norwood Nihilism, a condition where one loses all faith in the town and contemplates moving but never actually does.
• Recovery is possible, but the urge to check “just one more comment” remains a lifelong struggle.
Do you know anyone suffering from NNDD?
Or are you, too, already infected?
Seek help immediately.
