10/09/2024
For young people in a crisis pregnancy situation:
I deserved it.
As I sat on the white floral couch, my girlfriend’s mom was screaming in my ear. I heard things like "How could you do this to us?" and “we trusted you!”. My heart was racing but I sat calmly and quietly. My mind was racing about what my life would look like going forward.
She was screaming because we were in high school. And her sixteen-year-old daughter was pregnant, and I had just sat her and her husband down to break the news.
Although I could hear her words, my mind was elsewhere. I started thinking about school. I went to a very conservative Christian school. I started thinking about whether I would get expelled and whether my athletic career was over. It was January of my senior year and baseball season was just about to start. I had some opportunities to play college football, and I was hoping my senior baseball season would open some more doors as well.
Her voice was still at a volume of 10 and I’m sure she was speaking clearly but her words sounded more like the teacher from Charlie Brown. In a very short span, I had gone from thinking about school and athletics to thinking about whether I should get a job or go to college and how my parents are going to react.
You see, I was the oldest of seven children. My father was a refinery worker and my mother a stay-at-home home school teaching mom. My dad made about $50,000 a year. We had never owned the house we lived in and at that time the 9 of us and our dog were crammed into a 4 bedroom house. We ate a lot of Top Ramen growing up, and a go-to meal in our house was a tortilla with melted butter.
My mind came back to the scene at hand. I was on the couch. My girlfriend seated to my left crying. Her mother was standing and yelling at me in my right ear. I looked over at the other couch at my girlfriends' father. He was silent, but his face was red. I studied him for a moment to prepare myself for his reaction. I wasn't sure if he'd attack me or yell. He then said quietly, "Let's go get some lunch and figure this out."
The rest of the day was a whirlwind of parental advice, tears, and the overwhelming feeling of shame and guilt. That night I told my parents, and although there was no screaming, the disappointment was communicated clearly.
On the other side of pain is joy. That day was painful. I'll never forget it. It changed the course of my life forever.
But in a few weeks, my oldest daughter will turn 24 years old and the pain of that day pales in comparison to the joy she has brought not only to my life but to everyone around her. She is a blessing. But it didn't feel like it on that day.
If you're in pain and it feels dark and stormy...even though it may not seem like it..there IS sunshine coming. There is a rainbow coming. There is joy on the other side of the rain.
