08/22/2026
Grief is weird. All week I’ve felt off. I couldn’t kick this sadness. Little things were upsetting me that shouldn’t have. The smallest things made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. I felt like a zombie. At one point Neuman said to me, “You haven’t talked much today,” and then it hit me.
An immense amount of grief had worked its way back into my mind without me even realizing it.
Next week would be Ivy’s first day of Pre-K. One of the many firsts she won’t be here for. I’d thought about it all week, but I don’t think I realized just how much that sadness was taking over my life. Another big milestone we’re missing her for. Another moment where she should be here.
So today, we got up and decided we would decorate her grave for the first day of school. We hugged, we cried, and we told her how badly we wish she was here.
Then we spent the morning walking around the cemetery with the kids, looking at old graves, some over 200 years old. They ran around, visited their sister, and played. And for a little while, we just let ourselves feel all of it.
So for anyone else who ever feels completely taken over by grief, remember it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to take time for yourself. And it’s okay to keep celebrating your child, including them, and loving them out loud even when they aren’t here.
Ivy should be going to Pre-K next week. She should be here. And we’ll never stop finding ways to make sure she’s still a part of every first. 🧡
