06/10/2026
A House Divided - Bully Cats and Pariahs
"Kittens are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are gonna get." Forrest Gump was right. Years ago, I became a foster failure and two sisters joined my happy feline family of 6. Sweet kittens, they bonded closely with my oldest cat, Ella, who slept with them and groomed them as if they were her own. She taught them to play nice with her and halted any kitten shenanigans with "the look". They had each other for rough-housing, so they learned young that it was okay to tackle each other but leave the adults alone.
It was a perfect introduction and life was good until they hit 12 months. Teenagers! Furry rule breakers, they tested every boundary. As alpha cat, Ella's boundaries were rock solid and she was the boss, but Nola's boundaries were blurry. Indifferent to them as kittens, she began to avoid them when they surpassed her in size. When they ran into the room, she ran away and the sisters thought this was WONDERFUL. Soon, teenage kitty "I'm bored" became, "Where is Nola? Let's get her!"
Considering it a phase, I dealt with this behavior with distraction (toys) and by rotating their access to the catio. When Nola went out, the sisters were locked inside the house. I carried her back in when it was time for their outdoor shift. When together, I supervised and gave them a sharp "no" if they started to chase her. (What was I thinking?) Smart sisters, they knew what this meant and instantly stopped. But, if they thought I wasn't looking, they would test the waters by casually approaching Nola's favorite cat tree and then looking over their shoulder to see if I was watching. If they saw me, they walked past as if the tree was merely a path to their destination. But if I was out of sight they would sit and stare. No physial fights broke out, but Nola was harrassed just the same and she took to hiding and sometimes running away. Her quality of life was diminished and my carefree kitty was becoming a pariah.
I know some of you reading this are going through kitty conflict now too. Like people, cats change over time and this is particularly true of kittens. It is nearly impossible to predict the adult personality and temperament of a kitten. They truly are a box of chocolates! But unlike candy, we can't throw them out. And we also can't sacrifice the quality of life of other household pets.
My strategy at the time was to literally live in a house divided. A gate on the stairs made my house into two cat territories. It wasn't ideal, but that was the easiest solution. Nola was happier having her own territory where she didn't have to interact with the bullies. Her sister and alpha cat Ella occupied both territories, but this meant I was their personal door opener. I might be the only one unhappy with this "solution".
Ignoring cat conflict can result in some unhappy cats. And sometimes it can cause litterbox issues when a pariah cat is ambushed at the litterbox. Don't ignore problems between cats.
Here are some tips to deal with conflict.
1. Talk to your veterinarian. Some pariah cats are concealing health issues. You may not see it, but the bully does! They may recommend medications or refer you to someone who can help you resolve or reduce the conflict.
2. Add more vertical space to your home. Cat trees, shelves or even a bed on the refrigerator can give cats a place to escape conflict.
3. Build a catio to provide some outdoor space. This can be great stimulation for the bully cat and may provide some relief for the pariah cat while they are "outside".
4. Make sure you have redundant resources. Litterboxes, food, water and comfy beds should be in multiple locations in the home to minimize conflict or competition.
5.Try a kitty pheromone diffuser like Feliway.
6. If the situation is serious, you can divide your home as I did. This is a tough one, because you don't want to isolate a cat from people or from non-bully cats. Make sure that both territories include space where you spend a lot of time.
7. Consider rehoming either the bully or the pariah. This is a tough one because nobody likes to rehome a pet. But sometimes it isn't humane to keep them. Take your time an find a home where you can stay connected. Family and friends are best, but you can also find great homes with careful screening. I had to rehome a young bully cat many years ago, and I felt okay about it because I maintained a relationship with the adopter. I provided canned food and vet care and offered nail clipping and grooming whenever needed. It took away the guilt and sense of loss that comes with rehoming a cat because I could visit whenever I wanted. And his new "mom" appreciated the food and vet care because these expenses prevented her from being a cat owner. He had a great life there and she benefitted from having a cat companion on her limited income.
What solutions have you come up with when confronted with a bully-pariah situation?