03/24/2024
When we met, I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt.
I hoped the things that I saw and felt that troubled me were just temporary..
That they didn’t really show who you really were.
As I sit here, lying in bed with my heart in pieces, I know now that I should’ve listened to my intuition.
Those red flags weren’t isolated incidents, they were just part of who you were.
I tried to be optimistic and believe you when you’d apologize and say it was a mistake.
Those weren’t mistakes, they were you.
The anger, the moods and the hostility began to slowly reveal themselves just a little bit more over time until I saw more of those ugly behaviors than I saw of the kind and loving you.
And that’s the worst thing of all, I think.
Not that we were going our separate ways or that we didn’t work out, but that I didn’t trust my head when it was screaming at me to run.
I let my heart win because I believed so much in love...our love.
Instead of fighting for us, I’ had been fighting you for as long as I can remember, and I was tired.
Tired of the fighting, of the angry exchanges, of the feeling of uneasiness when I was around you..
Walking on eggshells is hard to do all the time, and frankly, I was done with that.
I have some emotional scars from our time together, but at least I still have some if any, self respect and I try to hold my head high.
It’s always hard to walk away from someone you love, the memories of you, of our life together, we both knew it wasn't working and it never would.
Your issues destroyed you, you didn't change.. you Left me with a broken heart, unwilling to heal. The pain of you lives with me everyday.
You had a big heart and a beautiful mind underneath it all..it just got lost in all the anger.
I’ll regret what we never had, because I learned a lot about myself throughout it all.
I know what I want and what I’ll never accept again.
I’d rather be alone than lonely in a relationship.
This will be a hard road and it will take some time, but I’ll get there. Maybe, someday
I’ll remember the good times and let go of the pain..it’s the only way through the emotional wreckage of our relationship.
But I’ll be fine, I always am.
I will find my way and I’ll come back better and wiser next time.
It was hard to watch someone destroy themselves, but I have to stop thinking about you before you destroy me, too.
I wish you were still around and I wish you could've found your way out of the darkness.
I have to take time for myself, use my energy to heal and learn how to love myself again.
In time, I’ll be smiling again the way I’ve not done for some time..
Time for me to start living again.. and to be happy once more.
That, for now, has to be enough.
