10/03/2026
October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month—a time to raise awareness, honor survivors, remember those whose lives have been lost, and reflect on what healthy relationships should look like. 💜
As you read this month’s messages, take a moment to consider the warning signs in your own relationships and the relationships of those you love. Disrespect, control, humiliation, and other forms of abuse can begin subtly and become easier to overlook over time.
Domestic violence and partner abuse don’t usually appear on the first date or even the first month of a relationship. Though there are often signs long before the relationship begins.
I know because I ignored many signs when I was dating throughout my life.
Even after watching my sister Carol live in a toxic relationship for five years, I still struggled to recognize the signs in my own relationships. Carol’s relationship ended when she was shot and killed by her then-estranged boyfriend.
For five years, I gave Carol pep talks and reminded her how worthy she was. I watched his actions and feared what Matt was capable of. I pulled him off her many times, called the police, and begged her to leave. My role was to keep her safe. She was my sister and my best friend. When she was killed, my life changed.
Unfortunately as I entered relationships as a young woman, I failed to know my own worth. I missed the warning signs and the BRIGHT red flags.
Did I really miss them? Or did I see them and think this was what relationships were supposed to be?
Having fun and tender moments, then fighting and saying awful things to each other, then making up and being so nice that you remember why you fell in love.
Yup. I not only witnessed domestic violence in my childhood with my parents, then with Carol and Matt during my adolescence, but I eventually lived it in my own relationships.
I remember being told during an argument, “You’re an ugly, skinny bitch.”
I believed him.
I allowed myself to be treated with disrespect, humiliation, and fear.
Then I became the one my family and friends were trying to help.
I am grateful that I found my way out of those relationships. Yes, there was more than one.
I went to therapy. Eventually, I went back to school and became an RN. I co-founded the Carol Rivest Memorial Foundation. Through it all, my most important role was raising my children.
Today, my children are grown and have children of their own. My family is my world. ❤️
I am happily married. It’s not a perfect marriage, and it takes work. I continue to take time to grow by reading books, listening to podcasts, going to monthly therapy, and being a strong advocate for healthy relationships.
This October, I want to remind everyone that abuse doesn’t always start with something obvious. Sometimes, it begins with small moments of disrespect, control, humiliation, or making you question your own worth.
Pay attention to the signs.
Know your worth.
Healthy love should never require you to lose yourself. 💜
Sheila Rivest
