Veterans of Foreign War Post 2153

Veterans of Foreign War Post 2153 Contact information, map and directions, contact form, opening hours, services, ratings, photos, videos and announcements from Veterans of Foreign War Post 2153, Nonprofit Organization, 1, Moline, IL.

10/07/2026

Hear about the fire at the dried fruits factory? It was an apricotastrophe.

- I've decided to rank fruits by how sour they are. Pretty much all of them are sublime.

- A truck carrying fruits accidentally spilled them all over the expressway. It caused a traffic jam.

- What do you get with two fruits? A pear.

- What do you put on a dead fruit's gravestone? R.I.P.E.

- One bird can't finish an entire bowl of Fruit Loops ... but Toucan.

- If the tomato is technically a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?

- Twice a year, there is a newsletter released about dried fruit. On those dates, it is raisin awareness of currant events.

- I've been offered some work with a dried fruit company. I'm just waiting for them to get back to me with some dates.

- Have you read the nutritional information on a box of Fruit Loops? You're better off eating the toucan.

10/06/2026

- It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right. Alcohol IS a solution.

- If We're Going to Arm the Teachers ... all I ask is that the librarians get silencers.

- I just saw my math teacher lock himself in his office with a piece of graph paper. I think he must be plotting something.

- Did you hear about the math teacher who’s afraid of negative numbers? He will stop at nothing to avoid them.

- My math teacher called me average. How mean.

- I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail, but apparently you can't end a sentence with a proposition.

- After hearing me sing for the first time, my music teacher told me I should be tenor ... ten or twelve feet away from all musical instruments at all times.

- My chemistry teacher told me I had to write a 1,000-word essay on acid. Unfortunately, my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

- Someone keyed the music teacher’s car. Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.

- Teacher: Give me a sentence that includes the words, Defense, Defeat, and Detail.
Charlie: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes first, and then detail.

10/05/2026

What time do golfers wake up to go golfing? Foooooour!

- Went golfing yesterday. My game is terrible. I’ll never be able to beat Tiger Woods ... but I can out-drive him.

- When is birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.

- A Mexican man was struck through the chest with a golf ball. They called it a hole in Juan.

- You know how to smuggle something in a golf ball? First, you have to get a hole in one...

- What do Romans yell when the golf ball is coming toward you? IV.

- What car carries its own golf clubs? A Cadillac.

- What do you call a wizard that can turn himself into a golf club? Harry Putter.

- My friend just collapsed into a display of golf clubs. Paramedics are doing what they can, but he’s not out of the woods yet.

10/03/2026

- After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?" God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."

- How do angels cook meals in heaven? They put them in the Microwave on High.

- How do you turn a demon into an angel? You scare the hell out of them.

- What does an angel say at a pastry shop? Donut be afraid.

- How do angels light a candle? With a match made in heaven.

- My girlfriend is like an angel ... she's invisible.

- Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

- What do you call an angel that turned evil? A 180° Angel.

- Why do angels smell so good? Because their scent comes from God.

- I keep telling my parents how much of an angel their grandson is. I haven't told them I had Lucifer in mind.

10/02/2026

- All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors. Because heroes never dye.

- Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? He conditioned it.

- Stop washing your hair with shampoo! Insist on REAL poo!

- If Satan ever loses his hair ... there will be hell toupee.

- When I see a girl, I first look at her hair. Then at her eyes, lips, neck ... Damn dial-up!

- I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair. Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’

- Who Did Princess Leia's Hair? Darth Braider.

- What shape is your hair in the morning? A wrecktangle.

- What do you call a blonde who's dyed her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

- I have a huge phobia of hair. I dreadlocks.

10/01/2026

DEATH BED PROMISE
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting.

He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down, and this forest will look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to do..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong."

And so they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
++++++++++++++++

"A hair in the head is worth two in the brush." - Oliver Herford
++++++++++++++++

ALMOST BALD: Hanging on by a hair.

09/30/2026

THE GROWTH
A distraught dog owner called a vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained that his dog had a large growth or swelling near the corner of its mouth that had appeared to grow overnight, so I told him to bring the animal over.

When the man came in with his dog, the vet examined the animal as the man stood by, anxiously waiting for the vet's opinion.

At last the doctor turned to him and asked, "Do you have any children?"

"Oh, good grief, is it contagious?" the man gasped.

"No," the doctor answered. "It's bubble gum."
++++++++++++++++

"Flattery is like chewing gum. Enjoy it but don't swallow it." - Hank Ketcham
++++++++++++++++

BEES' WAX: Bumble gum.

09/29/2026

My neighbor, who makes tennis equipment, makes me want to move out. He is ALWAYS making racket.

- I wish I could find out what happened to my neighbor who couldn't pay his mortgage. You know, for closure.

- My neighbor's in the Guinness Book of Records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact, it's just a stone's throw away.

- My neighbor claims he took a photo of a flea on the moon. Never mind … it’s just a lunatic.

- My neighbor traded in his KIA yesterday. Sold his Soul for a Mustang.

- I caught my neighbor attaching a rocket engine to a deer, so I immediately reported him to the authorities. Shame on him for trying to make a quick buck!

- My neighbor got a diagnosis from a psychiatrist and decided to get an Emotional Support Animal. His choice? A skunk. His diagnosis? Sociopath.

- My neighbor got a boat, so I had to get one, too. I couldn't resist the pier pressure.

- My libertarian neighbor posted a newspaper ad selling his collection of Star Trek ships. And here I thought he believed in free Enterprise.

09/28/2026

Apparently putting Alka-Seltzers in my mouth while getting baptized, and pretending I'm possessed by the devil isn't funny....

At least, my pastor didn't think so....

09/27/2026

What does a Thesaurus eat for breakfast? A synonym roll.

- I went into a restaurant that said they'd serve breakfast any time ... so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

- Every morning at breakfast for the past 6 months, I announce loudly to my family that I’m going for a jog, and then I don’t. It’s my longest-running joke of the year.

- My dog made breakfast for me this morning ... pooched eggs and hush puppies.

- What do iPhones eat for breakfast? Siri-al.

- What does a German say after eating pancakes for breakfast? Gluten Morgen.

- I was making pancakes this morning. The wife sneaked up behind and startled me. "Oh honey, you scared the crepe out of me!"

- It’s impossible to talk to my dad during breakfast because he still reads the newspaper. One could say ... he is behind The Times.

- My wife warned me to stop making breakfast puns. She said I’d be toast. I replied, our son keeps egging me on, he’s such a ham.

- What did Salvador Dali have for breakfast? Surreal.

Address

1
Moline, IL

Telephone

(309) 764-3344

Website

Alerts

Be the first to know and let us send you an email when Veterans of Foreign War Post 2153 posts news and promotions. Your email address will not be used for any other purpose, and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Shortcuts

Share

Category