I can remember walking into the hospital, Jeff, Reeves and I holding hands and thinking this was the last time we would walk anywhere as a family of 3. It was such shocking and devastating news and shattered me in so many ways. Hearing the words “we cannot find a hearbeat”. The heartbreaking feeling of holding her after she was delivered and knowing we would never hear her laugh, see her smile, wa
tch her bound down the stairs after her big brother. Feeling cheated and sad that this world would not see the light that she was. Leaving the hospital with empty arms knowing all the plans we had were forever changed. I smile now when I remember many things about her. Things only I got to experience as her Mom. That girl wore me out with how active she was! She was constantly on the move. She was already giving her Daddy fits – every time she would kick and I would grab Jeff’s hand to feel it she would stop. At the time, we did not know if we were having a little boy or girl so I used to joke with Jeff that we were definitely having a girl and this was only the beginning! And like any good southern lady, my girl loved tomato sandwiches. With loads of mayo and salt and pepper. I seriously could not get enough tomatoes over the summer – we bought pounds of them every Saturday at the Farmer’s Market. I would count the minutes until lunchtime everyday (and some days I will admit eating lunch inappropriately early!) cause baby girl would not be denied! After being essentially full term in my pregnancy, I was not able to fit in my normal clothing when I got home. When I brought Reeves home, I wore my maternity clothes for a few weeks months and it didn’t matter. I had a new baby and no one cared what I looked like – least of all me. After losing Madison, it was far too painful to wear my maternity clothes. The entire time I felt people staring at me, smiling kindly about the baby I had on the way. I wanted to scream and cry out the truth, but instead I just smiled back and prayed to get home so I could go back inside my shell of grief. Ya’ll, I wore the same 2 pairs of pants for 3 months until I finally broke down and bought some clothes that fit. And I was fortunate enough to work from home, many women who experience a loss have to return to work outside of the home and need clothing to wear. My self confidence, already suffering a serious blow from the loss of my child inside me was now completely gone. And I decided, these brave women, my sisters in loss, would have a place to go where they could order clothing free of charge. The clothing will be donated by other women who want to help. I only ask that those receiving the donated clothing either return the clothing once they are no longer in need and/or make a donation of their own. And Madison’s Closet was born. I would be honored to have your support on this journey.
