02/26/2026
Every so often, there is a moment. A moment that shakes you • takes you back to a memory that feels so real. In a split second, you are transported back to a specific time where you can remember not only what you were surrounded by, but what you were thinking and feeling.
In 2017 •••
Just months shy of Willow’s arrival, we received a gift at our baby shower • a turtle. A turtle that lit up and covered the ceiling with stars and had three different color options: blue, orange and green.
In 2018 •••
I can remember rocking Ruby to sleep, her curled up on my chest, looking at the ceiling - illuminated with a magical glow. Each night as we walked through the motions of bedtime, I would find the moon.
On one particular night, as I rocked Ruby to sleep, tears were rolling down my cheeks. I had a very hard day and all my feels and grief of Willow came in a huge wave. I felt completely depleated. As I held my healthy rainbow baby, only a few months old, all I kept replaying over and over in my head was how I never got to hold Willow and rock her to sleep, feeling every big breath against my chest. That little blessing I held that very night, brought me such joy.
Then, the guilt directly followed as all I could focus on was the sadness of what I was also lacking ~
How could I not just focus on the good?
I was letting myself down.
I was letting Ruby down.
I was …. weak.
Then, I looked up … and what did I see in the stars on the ceiling? I saw the moon smiling down on me. I had never seen the placement like that before - the moon being the mouth of a smiling face. I started crying harder as I could only imagine and hope that this was a small kiss from Heaven. As the tears continued to roll, I smiled. I knew in my heart that •this• was just the reassurance I needed. A beautiful moment of my faith, shining through. Exactly what my heart longed for at the time - clarity.
In 2026 •••
Ruby and Oscar wanted a sleepover in Oscar’s room. It had been a trying few days and all I wanted was 4 seconds to just decompress. That felt far away from being a viable option anytime soon. Again, I was depleated. I was pouring from an empty cup. The feeling of failure was looming.
Just as they were both tucking into their blankets for the night, Oscar turns on not only his turtle, but brings Ruby’s turtle in, too.
I laid down, turned music on my phone, set my phone down and looked up. I was transported back to 2018. There it was again. That little kiss from Heaven. The reassurance I needed.
I smiled.
Then, I gazed at Ruby and Oscar as they drifted off to sleep - counting my abundant blessings … the ones laying next to me, and the one in my heart.
For the first time in a long time, I saw it.
The moon, smiling down on me. 🌙💚
What you see isn’t always the same as what you focus on. Remember that. 🫶🏻
