The Human Development Company, 109 Coverly Place, Melville, NY (2026)

12/19/2025

Launching "You Are Born To Be Loved" Mental Health App - Jan. 2026 -

Below answer to a great Step 5 question from our mental health App-

"As I work through Step 5 on communicating effectively, I understand the importance of having clarity and intention in communication—being aware of what you want to achieve and expressing it consciously.
The guidance about expressing feelings without blaming the other person is especially powerful. Framing communication in a way that takes responsibility for one’s emotions rather than faulting the other person makes a lot of sense.
However, I would appreciate some clarification regarding situations involving intentional harm or manipulation. For example, in a romantic relationship where one partner consistently avoids responsibility and instead manipulates situations or emotions, how does one apply this principle effectively?
In such cases, communicating without blame can feel extremely difficult, especially when the behavior appears deliberate rather than unintentional. How can one communicate their feelings clearly while also protecting themselves and maintaining healthy boundaries?"

ANSWER –
Extremely important question.

We have to remember that - PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS DOING THEIR BEST. Even when it doesn't seem that way.
In any relationship the other person does not have other, better tools to approach us when upset with us. This is who they are at this moment in their lives.

So we tell them that -
1. we know they are doing their best, when they did X or Y
2. that they are not doing X or Y on purpose to hurt us
3. BUT
4. It does hurt
5. That it is not acceptable behavior
6. That we will take a break - a week or two, or a month or two
7. For them to consider whether this relationship is something they want to be in
8. If not, we understand......and we bid them goodbye and a wonderful life
9. If they do and it happens again, it will be the end of the relationship
10. Unless they go for help - because being Manipulated or not taking Responsibility is not acceptable
11. And they need to start now, before you continue with the relationship

We can't stay in relationships that are hurtful. That is not loving toward our self. And we can't hope the person will change until we tell them the consequences of their behavior. They are not mind readers.
We often hold on because we think people will change - and we don't want to lose the relationship because "a little toxic love is better than no love". Wrong!!! That is what we say to ourselves when we are totally dependent on others for love. We're at their mercy.
This is why we have to learn to love ourselves - so we can stand up for ourselves. There are many people out there who are nice - especially if we tell them in the beginning what we expect and accept from friends. They will respect us more. If we don’t set a healthy context, healthy boundaries in the beginning then we will struggle with the relationship later on.
We have to train people to be loving with themselves and us from the beginning of any relationship.
And continue to train them throughout the relationship.

Happy Holidays and a Happy New Year!

Stefan

07/02/2025

DISCUSSION

The Continuum Theory™ approach to human development integrates 4 developmental tracks that all impact the brain’s neuroplasticity and therefore influence growth and healing. Three of the tracks are; awareness, communication, and vision/goal orientation - similar to Gestalt Psychotherapy, Positive Psychology, Imago Couples Dialogue, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Unique to The Continuum Theory’s approach has been the insistence of integrating these 3 tracks and adding a fourth track – that of loving unconditionally. The 4 tracks are a ‘working group’ that must be simultaneously trained in order to fully impact the brain’s neuroplasticity for achieving optimal results if healing and positive behavioral changes are expected. The study demonstrates conclusively that by developing one’s tool set of awareness, vision, communication plus loving unconditionally we can achieve positive results in damaged relationships between adult children and their parents.

Results Here (opens in new window)

FACT – Human beings go through life looking for love/loving energy – which comes in a myriad of forms.

Premise I – That human beings need loving energy – as other forms of life sustaining energies like air, food and water – which are always cyclical – meaning they need to go in and out of the physical system for optimum health. Inhale/exhale. Drink/urinate. Receive/give loving energy.

Premise II – That human beings form a strong belief system from infancy that this loving energy is only available from outside sources – and proceed to look for it, compete for it, sacrifice for it, and perform for it – at all costs.

Premise III - The source of fear in relationships is not getting the loving energy we need from others on a consistent basis – producing resentment which leads to reciprocating the negative behavior. The analogy is not having control over one’s food supply – always feeling and fearing that quenching one’s thirst and satiating one’s hunger is controlled by another.

Premise IV – That human beings believe that parents were ‘hatched out of an egg at forty’ and therefore know how to parent, especially how to love unconditionally, and when they don’t they are withholding love purposefully and with intent to do harm.

Premise V – a) That human beings (parents) believe that the child they gave life to and loved unconditionally for the first few years – should love them unconditionally no matter how they, the parents, behave. b) That human beings (parents) believe that their children should know they are loved even when they, the parents, behave conditionally.

Premise VI – That human beings are afraid of relationships….this fear arises from the experience of being raised in conditional environments. Meaning – if the person who gave me life and protected me when I was little, and did lots of nice things for me can still be so hurtful and undependable when it comes to giving me the life sustaining energy called love – then who can I trust to consistently get it from?

Premise VII – That human beings, once they figure out that their parents are conditional, begin to experiment – first with friendships – with more or less success – later with members of the opposite s*x – often mistaking biological attraction for love – and getting hurt. At this stage individuals no longer look to their parents for unconditional love - they invest their energy in trying to find it with partners.

Premise VIII – That human beings believe that in marriage the person vowing to love them till death do us part actually knows how to and will love them unconditionally – i.e. be their savior.

Premise IX – That human beings believe – as they did with their parents – that the person who they married and is now behaving conditionally actually knows how to be unconditional and is being conditional intentionally.

Premise X – When human beings realize that their parents, their spouses and themselves are doing the best they can even though they behave conditionally, a behavior everybody learned – and that people are not hurting each other on purpose – they can begin to learn to be aware of their own conditional behaviors, aware of the conditional behavior of others, learn to communicate about both in a loving manner, and begin to exhibit more and more unconditional behavior.

Premise XI – That human beings are schooled all their life to become independent and responsible for their own survival – work so they can eat and drink and be sustained – but are never schooled to provide loving energy to themselves. Human development and psychotherapy can educate and train adults and children how to take care of themselves and become independent and responsible for loving themselves.

Darwin mentions ‘love’ 92 times in his treatise on evolution – ‘survival of the fittest’ only twice.

Erich Fromm states in The Art of Loving – ‘…human beings are starved for love.’

Harville Hendrix teaches in his Imago workshops – ‘Only unconditional love can heal.’

The 4th nutrient, which can be exchanged in various quantum amounts and generated in a conscious fashion.
When we don’t receive any one of the vital, life-sustaining nourishments – air, food and water - we experience pain! When we don’t receive loving energies we experience pain! Is it possible that loving energy is a vital, life-sustaining nourishment, just like air, food, and water are? Think of when the absence of love, the withdrawal, withholding of love hurt you as a child or an adult. The fact is that we feel nourished, energized, and we thrive when receiving love just like we feel nourished when we breathe in clean, fresh air, have a nourishing meal and drink fresh water. I believe that what we call ‘love’ is nothing more or less then a life sustaining vibrating energy, the 4th nourishment, the 4th nutrient, we need. Love when received and ingested behaves in the same way in our system as do all other nutrients. The way our body-mind-Self reacts to love proves that love is real, although love may not be tangible or visible.

Love, this needed, necessary nutrient is either present or absent – in small or large quantities. The presence and absence of love causes the following: an increase or decrease of energy, a sense of wellbeing or lethargy, a feeling of joy or sadness. For all of these to occur in a human being takes energy or the absence of energy. And these do occur in human beings, therefore love is an energy. This has serious implications to the way we ‘gift’ love and ‘receive’ love because human beings look primarily to other human beings for this nutrient called love. In review - love is a thing, that makes it real, it behaves like the nutrients, air, food water so, it is a nutrient which is either present or absent always causing reactions that require energy. That is the proof that love is an energy. What is love? Cole Porter asked. Now you know – Love is a life-sustaining energy!

08/14/2024

Why Women Must and Will Inherit the Earth

Human evolution was always tied to and predicated on survival.
In the initial stages of our evolution survival was all about staying alive – protecting ourselves and our small band of nomads from the wild animals and other marauding bands of humans that inhabited the planet as well as finding food or hunting for it. The primary function of the brain, which we now call the primitive brain, the amygdala, was to react to threats to survival.
Nature, in her wisdom, created 2 genders. One to protect and one to procreate. The male members of our species were given the hormone testosterone that enabled them to grow muscles, size and have the strength needed to help fight for survival. Women were given estrogen to help them procreate and nurture the humans they created.
Eventually it was the evolution of the hippocampus, that helped humans survive even better. This part of the brain, the pre-frontal cortex, is a thinking, creative brain. Humans developed all types of tools to protect them from nature, from wild animals and other humans, as well as to husband animals and grow food. Whereas this brain took over from muscles and size and was much more successful in helping the species survive, testosterone continued to inject itself into human interactions, both on personal levels and as groups.
Whereas our ‘better’ brain developed all kinds of tools for making life easier, making food more available, the testosterone infused males, forced our brain to develop tools that killed more effectively those we wanted to eliminate from competing with us for land, resources, control of other humans, etc.
At the same time women have now realized that their brain was just as fiercely capable of thinking and inventing and they now want to be on equal footing as far guiding humanity in the right direction.
The testosterone infused males would have none of it. Subjugating women and each other was and still is what they think their role is, using their stone-age amygdala brain.
Unfortunately, they are now on the verge of annihilating the human species. With their lust for power, blood, money, control, greed there is no end to which their ‘monkey brain’ won’t take them. Look at people like Putin, Shi, the Korean, Brazilian, Middle Eastern dictator wanna-bees, and others who are popping up, using primarily fear to bring out the worst animal instincts in their countrymen.
They want to destroy democracy, equality, and with it the planet.
It isn’t that there are no nice men. There are. But when they go up against these animals they tend to show ‘weakness’ – they want to compromise, to communicate, to understand and accept each other – where our ‘prehistoric dinosaur leaders’ only see weakness.
Women must and will inherit the Earth, because humans need their more evolved nurturing instincts if we are to save the planet from the “cavemen” who are in their last death throes – the dinosaurs are extinct and so must these prehistoric humans be.
Women need to step up and literally take control – of our politics, of our military, of our corporations. It is time to eradicate these dinosaurs.
The minute you hear someone talk to generate fear, it is because they are prehistoric animals.
They think women are only good for cooking, cleaning and bearing children. Is that what you think?
What women can do is to gain total control and save the planet for their loved ones.
Must get involved with local and state wide elections. Elections are the best way to gain control over the lives of those you care about. School Boards are first.
But using the power of the purse is deadly in America – only money talks. Anywhere you hear media that spews out the hate and fear of men, start boycotting their advertisers. Easily the most powerful way to “vote” these media outlets off the air. And of course, national elections. Take your children and 18+ year-old sons and daughters to vote.
When they go low and we go high…they only see weakness. Determination and Action speak louder then protests.
But for these and other solutions to be truly implemented, what we have to do (minimally) is two things. One is to teach females to love themselves – that entails, self-respect, self-appreciation, self-care, self-support, self-acceptance and a more positive inner relationship with Self. Stop ‘selling’ themselves to their idiotic counter-parts – the American males (I say that lovingly – unfortunately there is truth in it). The second is what the Israeli army does – enlisting women for 2 years into the army. They learn discipline, to shoot, to fight, to physically prevail – which gives their male counter-parts reason to respect them. That is what women deserve. The Israeli males don’t look down on their female partners. There isn’t the r**e we have in our military. Israel was one of the first countries to elect a female as prime minister. Others then followed. Now it is our time. The foundation is self-love and self-respect – second is voting with the purse.

12/25/2021

May you all be blessed with Unconditional Love and remember in times of distress, pain, misunderstandings with those you love - only unconditional love will bring you and them closer to find understanding, peace, and healing.

11/25/2021

One of the most dramatic and evolutionary breakthroughs in the 21st century.

The 20th Century was the ultimate triumph of mental prowess. We connected every human being – potentially – to every other human being on the globe, in an instant. People with money are flying in spaceships, and almost every organ in the human body is replaceable. Poverty has declined. What hasn’t been solved is enabling people to have a breakthrough when it comes to getting and giving love. It is pretty much stuck, in 1,000 BC, no matter how much car companies want to convince people that buying their car is the answer.
Being stuck when it comes to love is as bad as having human beings breathe in polluted air, drink contaminated water, or eat foods poisoned with antibiotics, insecticides, or artificial this and that. Not having enough healthy love is debilitating.
The most essential nourishment, love, is critical for our mental, emotional AND physical health. Otherwise, why would we be constantly searching for people who can give us even a little bit. And shy away from those who behave unlovingly.
The 21st Century will see the arrival of a new epoch, in which we are finally able to develop our collective ability to love, love unconditionally, and to ask for unconditional love, and to have love guide all of our actions and decisions, whether personal or professional. And we will do this because all of our decisions based on personal benefit, whether about money or relationships, whether about power or control, have turned out to harm us individually and collectively.
Love is the key to prevention for both physical and mental/emotional health. It is the ultimate antibiotic.
Most people who seek counseling or psychotherapy are only mildly symptomatic.
The Medical Establishment has discovered that many of its most common and serious diseases are able to be reversed by lifestyle changes – diabetes, heart disease, all forms of inflammations like arthritis – and so forth.
People know they have issues but they don’t feel they have a mental illness – and they are right. What they have is the lack of tools necessary to navigate their relationship with themselves and others – family members, friends, colleagues and strangers.
Emotional Intelligence and Positive psychology are steps in the right direction, because they’re preventative, but they both miss the target by a mile – not clarifying or acknowledging and dealing with the fundamental issue – the lack of having “a positive inner relationship with Self” i.e. lacking self-love that leads to a lack of; self-care – self-esteem – self-support – self-respect, so forth. In the physical realm that is analogous to not eating healthy, not exercising, and not knowing how to breathe or meditate to de-stress in medical/physical terms.

03/16/2021

Learning to be unconditionally loving with yourself and others.

Learning to love yourself and others unconditionally is a process similar to teaching children how to eat and drink by themselves. It takes time and patience but eventually it produces self-sufficiency. Human beings become self-sufficient with these other nourishments, so why not with nourishing love? Because we’re taught we should love others, but loving ourselves is selfish/egotistical.

Everyone is created with the capacity to love unconditionally - we know this because that is exactly how we love infants. Every human being, even adults need it - but our culture/family/community may only show us conditional love after infancy.

Unlearning something is harder than learning something new — which is why no one is to blame for behaving conditionally.

Now that you know it is possible to love unconditionally it is your choice to learn it or not. Every small step will permeate you with hope and excitement as you observe yourself feeling better about yourself and see your relationships enriched with more love.