12/19/2025
Great things happen around the Peers store, but… don’t mess with the wildlife, seriously.
Warren County Gazette did not disappoint with this article
MARTHASVILLE — A Marthasville man’s attempt to “rescue” a roadside raccoon ended in flashing lights, a traffic backup, and one extremely offended woodland creature late Tuesday night on Highway 94 near Peers.
According to witnesses, Earl “Buddy” Whitcomb, 27, abruptly stopped his vehicle in the middle of the highway after spotting a raccoon loitering near the center line. Whitcomb allegedly exited his car with confidence, determination, and what police later described as “absolutely no plan,” before attempting to scoop up the animal with his bare hands.
The raccoon, unimpressed by the gesture, immediately rejected the proposal and responded with teeth, claws, and what one bystander called “pure Appalachian fury.”
By the time deputies arrived, Whitcomb and the raccoon were reportedly locked in what officials described as “a low-budget nature documentary gone wrong,” with traffic stalled in both directions and the raccoon clearly winning on points.
“He had the stance of someone who thought this was going to end differently,” one deputy said. “The raccoon had the stance of a creature who has survived several winters and trusts no one.”
Whitcomb was taken into custody for attempting to capture wildlife and for creating a hazard on the roadway. He later told officers the entire situation was a misunderstanding.
“I wasn’t trying to hurt it,” Whitcomb said. “I just figured I’d move him off the road. Maybe keep him. He looked chill.”
The raccoon was last seen fleeing into the woods near Peers, reportedly unharmed but emotionally scarred and now deeply distrustful of humanity.
No word yet on whether the raccoon plans to press charges.
This is a developing story.
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The Warren County Gazette is a news satire and parody publication. All content contained within this page, however similar to real events, is fictitious. Any real, semi-real or similar names, places, people, products, services and locales are used purely for satirical purposes, and the corresponding story details are purely fictitious.
