08/17/2026
“No, you are not losing your mind, it’s just grief.”
I heard those words after losing Dani and although there was a “reason” I felt so lost, it wasn’t until I walked through the pain that I saw grief for what it is. It changes everything.
If you’re struggling over loss, be kind to yourself and please give yourself grace. Your brain is trying to deal bit by bit with the sheer magnitude of your loss.
I’m approaching 𝐚 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐧, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒂𝒓 “𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓“ or even feeling like I can live a “normal life.“ I read the other day, that grief doesn't just break your heart.
𝐈𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧.
I have not been able to concentrate. I forget why I walked into a room. I don’t sleep. I have to read and reread the same paragraph over and over and still find myself not retaining what I just read.
𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐦𝐞.
If you are feeling like this… 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮.
I read that Researchers have found that overwhelming loss changes the way different parts of the brain work.
The amygdala-our brain's alarm system— becomes more sensitive, 𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 scanning for danger. At the same time, the prefrontal cortex, the part responsible for concentration, planning, and decision-making, 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐮𝐦𝐚.
That's why you may struggle to focus, forget simple things, or feel mentally exhausted.
The hippocampus, which helps organize memories and place them in time, can also be affected. That's one reason a smell, a song, or a certain date can make it 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐟 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧... remembering the day like it’s happening all over again.
Learning this 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞 𝐦𝐲 𝐠𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐟.
But it helped me know 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝.
My brain was doing exactly what brains do after traumatic loss.
Understanding that gave me permission to stop fighting myself and start showing myself the same compassion I would have offered anyone else.
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐥. 𝑻𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒏𝒐 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂.
