01/21/2026
I remember being behind these doors. I was already cut open. I was panicking but I couldn’t move. I focused on my breath because that’s the only thing I thought I could control. The next 7 minutes were silent - only the occasional directions given by the doctor. My postpartum journey started in emergency. It was not like my birth plan.
I looked at my husband for reassurance. “You’re doing great, it’s almost over,” he said. It already felt like an eternity. How much longer do I have to wait??
I have a theory postpartum depression set in right here for me. Of course, I was excited to see my baby. Of course I was glad he was here but I wasn’t myself. I dissociated. I was living… distant. For me, I dissociated for another 2 months and though I slowly started coming around, I was panicked. I was alert. I was scared. I had some really low lows and not enough highs.
Then I was told, after still recovering from being cut open, after trying to not be scared of nighttime anymore - that I needed to return to work in less than 4 weeks. I finally felt “situated” and now I’m being ripped back from the peace I made to be away from my baby for about 10 hours a day 5 times a week?? What about breastfeeding? What about tummy time? Wha about our cuddles and our songs? What about that peace I finally found?
It’s against maternal instinct. That’s why exists - to address postpartum depression and anxiety and to create flexible work opportunities to keep mothers with their children. The need to work should never be above taking care of our families.
Yes, work is important. Yes, we have to pay the bills. But we also have children to raise and nurture. This is exactly why work should be centered around the infant, not in spite of.
And let’s be honest, do we really think I’m ready to go back to work after I’ve just been sliced open? I’m still in recovery. Nothing went to plan.