Angelic Memories

03/30/2016

03/27/2016

03/10/2016

Scientists have discovered what causes women to have recurrent miscarriages.

01/27/2016

Someone you love has lost a pregnancy, her baby. You don’t know what to do. Or say. Or how to act. You’re wondering how to show your love for your daughter. Your sister, or your friend you adore so much she’s like your sister. You never had a miscarriage, or lost a baby and have no idea what’s the “…

12/13/2015

I spent years of my life asking WHY did my son have to die? Why did he have to have that condition? Why didn't I take any photos of him? Why did I not let our daughter see him? Why us? Why him? Why? Why? WHY?! Of course these questions were natural but I became stuck. I felt as though I were drowning. After a longer time than I would probably like to admit, I came to the realization that I will never really know why so many of these things happened or didn't happen. The question itself only ever brings me more pain. Kind of like when you start asking yourself 'What if?". We punish ourselves so harshly when we ask ourselves, God or the universe these questions. I often think that the reality of the fact that my son died, was too much for my being to handle and that somewhere deep in my heart if I kept on asking why, I would be able to change the past and fix everything. Somehow I could bring him back.

Asking "Why?" put me in a really dark hole and I didn't emerge from that darkness until I stopped asking "Why?" and started asking "What Heals You?" What was it that made me feel good? What brought joy to my heart? What lifted my spirits? I channeled my grief into things that made me feel even the slightest bit of happiness. Before too long my "Why?" was turned into an amazing wonder. My life became all about love and seeking healing and honouring my precious boy by living a beautiful life for him.

If you feel stuck in the Why? or the What if? Having a think about taking some time out to just breathe to calm your heart and mind. Place your hand over your beating heart and feel the love that you have for your child and ask yourself, What Heals You? You may not get an answer straight away, but give it a little time. If you do get an answer, place a little energy into what ever it is that brings joy to your heart. Focus on that joy and watch your life begin to heal.

Remember that there is no getting over this. But there is meaning to be made and healing to be found and that healing can co-exist with your grief. Grief occurs because of love - the deepest form and you will never stop loving your child. Honour the shadows and the light.

Sending you all much love for wherever you are in this walk of life

12/06/2015

12/03/2015

“I’m pregnant with my rainbow baby,” she whispered. “And I feel so guilty.”

11/29/2015

LIVING WITHOUT MY SON - A DAD'S PERSPECTIVE:

It was 4:45 in the morning when this photo was taken. I was shrouded in a blanket as I'd been awake roughly 21 hours straight. My mother had flown urgently across from Adelaide to be by my side. I'd cried more tears in that room than I had in my previous 29 years to that point. I felt this soul crushing urge to just pick him up and hold him one more time. Little did I know that the next time I'd hold him would be as his life support was being turned off.

I'm putting this up here as a shout out to all the Dads out there who've experienced loss. It's one of the most challenging things about being a father. For me I always viewed myself as the protector of the family, the provider and the one who would always put himself at the forefront of any negativity, danger or ill will that would fly in the face of my family. In this very moment I remember the one thing that crossed my mind was that I was an abject failure. I'd failed my boy, I'd failed his mum and I'd failed his sister.

If I could've swapped places with him in the bed and given him a second chance I would've done it in a heartbeat.

In the coming weeks after he'd gone, I took it upon myself to try and act as though everything would be normal. I went back to work fairly quickly, I chose not to speak about it unless prompted and I decided that the best thing for my health and for my family unit would be to simply wind back the clock to when we were a family of three.

Roughly four weeks after I'd taken this stance I suffered what could only be described as a mini-meltdown and physically couldn't drag myself out of bed. I cried for almost four hours straight and I had this soul crushing desire to not go on anymore. I honestly wasn't sure which way was up or when I'd ever feel right again. I knew I wasn't being true to my family, so I went and saw a Doctor, I sought counselling and was prescribed anti-depressants for a period of time.

It wasn't until I opened up about everything that I could truly even begin to heal and appropriately honour my little man for everything he was truly worth. I'm stereotyping a little bit here, but men are notoriously bad for bottling things up and refusing to share how they feel about things.

I'm sharing this in the hope that if there's any guys out there who are in a similar position right now and don't really know where to turn - speak up. You're not weak if you choose to get help. It's not weak to cry about your loss and you're not a failure because you were one of the horribly unlucky parents who lost a child.

Look after yourself and remember It's a club that no loving parent chooses to be a part of - Sadly it's one that you can never hand back the membership to.

-Riley's Dad

10/15/2015

Remembering all our angels today and everyday