On Veterans Day 2011 I hit rock bottom. I had nothing else to live for...so I felt. This wasn't the first time it had happened but it was the worst. I had it all planned out. My children. My brothers and sisters. My parents. what was I thinking? I had been fighting suicidal thoughts off and on for some time and NOBODY EVEN KNEW IT. I hid everything. I hid the pain and internal suffering. I hid the
depression. I hid the fear and the anger. I hid it all. Nobody, I mean NOBODY knew what I was feeling. So many times the experts tell you to watch out for your family members and Veterans and look for these and other signs to prevent su***de. Catch it before it's to late. Well they are very correct. Please do so. But then there are people like me that showed no signs. People like my best friend that just 11 months earlier took his own life and shocked everyone. And I'm pretty sure there are more Veterans out there in the same position as me. I called the VA Su***de Hotline that night and started getting help. Now four years ater I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD, depression, sleep disorders and a multitude of others issues. But Im LIVING! Day to day I fight internal demons that are unimaginable to most. But IM LIVING! If your suffering or know someone that is suffering PLEASE seek professional help. Reach out and save a life. Trust me it IS worth it. I'm not a doctor or a social worker. I haven't been trained to diagnose the mind and I'll never claim to. What am I? Who am I? I'm a retired Master Sergeant from the United States Air Force. I spent 21 years 4 months 22 days as member of Security Forces. I suffer from PTSD and I am sick and tired of loosing 22 brothers and sisters a day to su***de. And if I can make a difference with this page and help save but ONE life then it's worth every bit of my time. And it's therapy for me too. Here is my intent...Most outsiders (ones that are not suffering) may look at su***de as a touchy subject. Let's be careful. Let's tread softly. We don't want to push anyone over the edge. And they are right. It is. So I encourage the continued use of these professionals and encourage anyone in need to reach out to them. I'm taking a differant stance. Remember how I masked my feelings. I did it because Big Bad MSgt doesn't break. I did it because men don't cry .I did it because I couldn't admit to being a failure. I was WRONG! So I want all you Veterans out there that have felt the same way I did to stand up and say something. Stand up and show your courage. Fire up that inner self and rev up that heart felt horsepower and tell your story to the world! Because maybe, just maybe there is a brother or sister out there that will hear my story, hear YOUR story, and get some help. Admission is NOT failure. You served your country with honor and you deserve to live! YOUR LIFE MATTERS!
22 to ZERO! Let's make it happen
