Caleb's Playlist

07/22/2026

I will love you where the moon goes

Where the light shines,

where it doesn’t show



***deiscomplicated

06/09/2026

It’s a constant wonder to me that one of the most magnificent souls I have ever known and loved in my life grew right below my heart.

My body once cradled the beginning of someone so incredibly cherished.

This will be Caleb’s 5th heavenly birthday, and it continues to take my breath away when I think of another birthday passing without him here, and everyday we have survived since the day we lost him.

Our sorrows have been immeasurable, and neither tears nor years can ever account for the loss we experience daily since losing him at the tender age of seventeen.

Those unfamiliar with the depths of complicated grief think I miss my firstborn son most on the big days. The holidays, anniversaries, and of course today —which should be a day of celebrating his 22nd Birthday.

And of course, I do. Seventeen years was not nearly long enough; I crave a lifetime more...

But I miss Caleb most viscerally in small, quiet moments on random days. Moments no one knows about, the moments I can’t even see coming.

Suddenly the gravity of his absence perched on my chest, taking my breath away again.

I used to tearfully plead and beg for the grief to go away.

Now I achingly understand;
it’s the last piece of Caleb that I get to keep with me this side of eternity.

It’s in the quiet moments, under the threshold of sudden tears, the way my throat tightens, and I feel his absence on the pulse of my own heartbeat as I yearn from the depths of my soul to gaze upon Caleb’s smile, accompanied by a single dimple, with his bright sky-blue eyes partially concealed behind disheveled long blonde hair.

This grief is the thread that ties me to Caleb in a world that keeps spinning.

And I’ll never let it go.

On your heavenly birthday,
my firstborn, though you may not be here to age another day.

Today we celebrate that earth once held YOU.

Because the day YOU were born, so was one of the greatest loves of my life.

You are not here to blow out your birthday candles, but we will continue to light them for you evermore.

Caleb T. Anderson
Sunrise: 6.8.2004
Sunset: 11.20.2021

05/12/2026

✌️😎🎶

I’ve been reflecting on the last 10 years and all the amazing people that have crossed my path. I’ll never forget meeting Mary Anderson, the most beautiful woman whose eyes just shine with kindness. I would have never known about the broken heart she carried until she shared with me that she had lost a son. At the young age of 17 Caleb took his life and left behind a family that loved him so much. Caleb was a musician and to keep him with us Mary created Caleb's Playlist. For the last few years we have made signs with song lyrics in memory of Caleb. This is one of my favorites ❤️

04/13/2026

Take a breath, slow it down
You’re safe right here, you’re on solid ground
The world may spin, but you can stay Right here, in peace today





If you or someone you know is considering su***de, please contact the 988 Su***de and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org

04/05/2026

Makes my aching heart take a deep sigh to see Caleb’s rustic hand crafted bunnies are still on display 🐰

You Are Not Forgotten
Rest a little easier, my son, you were never alone
For now you are at home





***deiscomplicated

If you or someone you know is considering su***de, please contact the 988 Su***de and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH” to t“e Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org

02/28/2026

Grief is as contemplative as it is complex, constantly calculating the what-ifs stacked against the what will never be. How old would Caleb be now, what he would look like at 21 going on 22 this June, and what his life would have been like. For most of the day, I manage to contain and carry this complicated grief, but then a series of small and big things settle on my chest, causing a heaviness that’s hard to explain. Suddenly, I can’t breathe the same way. Bated breath in fear of not being able to continue containing the shattered pieces of my heart. It’s not me being dramatic or a sign of being stuck. It’s simply all my continuing love for Caleb colliding with reality again.

These contemplative landslides strike at the most unexpected times, during errands, showers, traffic or a jolting gasp in the middle of the night while searching for Caleb in the edges of my dreams. Often feeling isolated in this private pain, when no one can see me trying to steady myself or hear the silent scream echoing through the Caleb shaped chasm in my chest.

“Don’t wake me ‘cause I’m dreaming
Of angels on the moon
Where everyone you know never leaves too soon”

Angels On The Moon -Thriving Ivory



If you or someone you know is considering su***de, please contact the 988 Su***de and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text "STRENGTH” to “he Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org

You are not alone. Tomorrow needs you.

02/20/2026

What is Poetry?

It’s more than just words,
it’s a spirit a feeling that you find deep inside yourself.
A cool breeze that sweeps you up and off your feet with a musical beat.
A rhythm that rhymes, art of a song to which you can sing along.
As the flow drags you along it unfolds into a story
about a fight to the end.
Which you can share with family and friends.
For I have no sword nor shield with which to fight.
My pen and paper are the weapons I wield. With them I write, write ,write myself into a brand new world which I am trapped in. I try to escape with all my might but despite my efforts I fail to escape like socks that are way too tight.

Rhythm and rhyme
art and song, feeling and flow, story and spirit, pen and
paper, sword and shield, heart and soul, love and hate, pain and strife, death and life.

What is poetry ?

Written by Caleb Anderson 2017

12/21/2025

Before death fractured my family, time moved quietly through the long days and short years of mothering my two kings.

I often found myself looking ahead to a time when the days would not be filled with so much perfectly-imperfect-messy-majesty in all things mothering two boys.

Never once did I imagine that death would hover over us, ultimately take my firstborn son and that the future I dreamt for my family would never become a reality.

Consistently experiencing every possible human emotion, yet still feeling so isolatedly numb amidst the relentless commercialized ho-ho-hoing and mistletoeing.

Stubbornly stuck in the past.

Unwillingly thrown into the future.

Desperately searching for Caleb in all his familiar places juxtaposed with confused understanding; I’ll never again see his beautiful-perfect-angelic face framed with disheveled blond hair in this lifetime.

But still looking anyway.

Denying the knowing, constant pretending, and never accepting.

This is the emptiness of su***de and the fullness of unconditional/eternal love.

Grief during the holidays is a sacred path of honoring both what was and what still is.

I refuse to allow the tragedy of Caleb’s death to negate the beauty of his life. I refuse to allow the dark, necessary sides of grief to entirely overshadow the glimmers of gratitude.

I’ll bring my hard-fought, heartfelt
Been-through-hell hallelujah.

🕯️Caleb Tyler Anderson
Sunrise: 6-8-2004
Sunset: 11-20-2021

Remembered always.





***deiscomplicated




***de





If you or someone you know is considering su***de, please contact the 988 Su***de and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 or go to 988lifeline.org