Lawton/Ft. Sill Chapter of The Compassionate Friends & Memorial Garden

06/18/2026

— What is Normal After Your Child Dies? —
Normal is having tears waiting behind every smile because your child is missing from all the important events in your life.

Normal is feeling like you can't sit another minute without getting up and screaming, because you just don't like to sit through anything anymore.

Normal is not sleeping very well because a thousand what if's & why didn't I's go through your head constantly.

Normal is reliving the day your child died, continuously through your eyes and mind, holding your head to make it go away.

Normal is having the TV on the minute you walk into the house to have noise, because the silence is deafening.

Normal is telling the story of your child's death as if it were an everyday, commonplace activity, and then seeing the horror in someone's eyes at how awful it sounds. And yet realizing it has become a part of your "normal."

Normal is each year coming up with the difficult task of how to honor your childs's memory and their birthdays and survive these days.

Normal is a heart warming and yet sinking feeling at the sight of something special your child loved.

Normal is having some people afraid to mention your child.

Normal is making sure that others remember your child.

Normal is everyone else eventually going on with their lives.

Normal is weeks, months, and years after the initial shock, the grieving gets worse, not better.

Normal is not listening to people compare anything in their life to your loss, unless they too have lost a child. Nothing compares.

Normal is realizing you do cry everyday.

Normal is being impatient with everything and everyone except someone stricken with grief over the loss of their child.

Normal is sitting at the computer crying, sharing how you feel with other grieving parents.

Normal is being too tired to care if you paid the bills, cleaned the house, did the laundry or if there is any food.

Normal is asking God why he took your child's life instead of yours.

Normal is learning to lie to everyone you meet and telling them you are fine. You lie because it makes others uncomfortable if you cry. You've learned it's easier to lie to them then to tell them the truth that you still feel empty and lost.

And last of all...

Normal is hiding all the things that have become "normal" for you to feel, so that everyone around you will think that you are "normal."

Written by A Grieving Mother 💕

06/18/2026

“When a child dies, part of a parent dies. That is a fact. From that point forward, parents live in a state of "partial life" due to having what is now called "broken heart syndrome." We are just beginning to learn all of the facts concerning grief, the effects of grief, and the reality of how grief changes the very physical and emotional make-up of parents. Those who say to parents of child loss that they should have closure and move on simply do not understand the facts of what happens to a parent physically and emotionally when a child dies. There are very real changes that take place. The pain of loss is real. Yes, parents will eventually learn how to " live within the pain of loss" , but there will always and forever be a part of a parent that is missing. Parents of child loss are courageous beyond words! They are living with part of their heart and soul missing, and there is nothing ~ absolutely nothing ~ to compare to this kind of pain. God bless every parent of child loss this day with the continued courage and strength needed to go on” ~ Author Clara Hinton (2016)

06/18/2026

On the 5th year of grieving…

These are the lessons that most helped me:

1. Scream in your car. It’s cathartic. Trust me. Give it a try.

2. Try not to compare your grief to others. Even if you lost the same person…it’s a different relationship.

3. Isolating is normal. Just remember to check in with the ones who check on you.

4. Ugly cries…like the ones that touch the depths of your soul are actually quite helpful. A release.

5. Express your feelings. Whether on paper, to a therapist, a trusted friend or using another creative outlet…get those emotions out so they don’t get stuck.

6. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last heard their voice…the waves of grief can crash into you at any time. Any place..when reality hits again that they are really gone.

7. Let go of the guilt. We would all go back and do something differently if we could. You only had the information you had at that time with no way of knowing what was going to happen. You are only human.

8. Sometimes it helps to change traditions so it doesn’t hurt as much when they won’t be there..

9. But…Try to find a way to honor them at these events so they feel close to you.

10. Anxiety is normal. Because grief lets fear take over as you are now aware that terrible things can happen. It makes you feel out of control. Talk to your doctor if you feel it’s interfering with every day life.

11. Try a gratitude journal. I know this is the worst time to ask you to feel grateful but it helps. Just one thing a day. It could be that you didn’t burn dinner that night. But in time..it will get easier. That’s how you know you are moving through your darkest days.

12. Walk. Just getting out and getting fresh air and exercise can make a difference in your mental health. Try listening to comforting music on your walk. I love being out in nature to clear my mind.

13. Time doesn’t lessen grief. It’s what you do with that time. If you don’t grieve, emotions will have nowhere to go. You have to feel the pain of this loss. Lean into it even if it hurts. That’s how you move forward with it.

14. We are our own worst critics. Try giving yourself a no judgement zone. Grieving is frustrating. Especially when you have a particularly good day but end up a sobbing mess on the floor the next. Remember this journey is not linear. Try talking to yourself like you would if it was your best friend going through the same thing. BE your best friend because you are the only one who knows what this loss feels like.

15. Which brings me to self care. Give yourself love. And pep talks. And lots and lots of grace.

16. Grieving is a thousand conversations your mind has with your heart. Eventually your life (that you were given no choice but to live) grows around the pain. It’s a long road of getting used to this different world without your loved one in it. The pain will dull, wounds will heal, then the scab covering it sometimes gets ripped off again during special days. And so on. Which brings me back to #15. Give yourself grace.

Because I don’t have to tell you how hard this is. You know all too well. Just keep going. One minute at a time. One hour a time. Then one day. Just keep going.

06/17/2026

It happened again, last year, one of our Benches in the Children's Memorial Garden was destroyed, and we could not figure out what happened... with a little research, we found markings on the edges of the benches that we thought could have come from Scateboards scraping across. Since we did not observe when it happened, we did not pursue it...well, again, a Bench was vandalized, not to the point as last year's, but we are addressing the Skateboarders that seem to enjoy coming to the Garden and destroying it,
The Memorial Garden is a place of refuge, representing so many of our children gone too soon. Please show respect for our Memorial Garden and find another place to follow your games.

06/01/2026

I have been under the weather for the last several weeks, so a little less in posting. On the 16,th of May, we had our WALK TO REMEMBER... we had to have it in another place due to construction in Elmer Thomas Park ( but it has not started yet, lol)
The attendance was down a little, but we still had a good gathering, the weather cooperated :-) ... following the Walk, we had our Raffle and, like in the last few years, the participation of our Community Business was exceptional and many walked home with some great Prizes...I would like to thank Julie and Ed Mayfield, Melinda Medrano Gribble and her husband, Joe Keith, and Janice Ethell for all the work you put into this Event... next year we will be back in Elmer Thomas Park and gather at our Children's Memorial Garden

06/01/2026

Hello friends, our monthly Chapter meeting is this Thursday, June 4th, at 6:30 PM at the Fellowship hall of the First Church of the Nazare, 1402 NW Arlington, Lawton, OK. ... parking is off 14th Str between Gore and Arlington.
The topic this month will be " Idears about writing letters to our children, grandchildren, and siblings." If anyone needs to share specifics, we will attend to them.
Refreshments will be served
If this will be your first attendance, it's ok to bring a support person with you, we are here, YOU DON'T HAVE TO WALK ALONE

05/15/2026

Early Bird Registration Rate Ends in 2 weeks on May 20th! TCF's National Conference is an enriching and supportive event for many newer and long-time bereaved parents, grandparents, and siblings. Attendees come and find renewed hope and support, as well as strategies for coping with grief. Participants create friendships with other bereaved people who truly understand the heartbreaking loss of a child, sibling, or grandchild. Lifelong friendships are often formed and rekindled each year at TCF conferences.

05/14/2026

Child loss isn't something
you get through.
It's something that
gets through you.

1. Grief doesn't have a timeline. Please stop counting months and expecting us to be "better" by now. Some days, year three feels worse than day three.

2. Saying their name will not break us. It's the silence around them that does. Say it. Please say it.💛💛💛💛💛💛

05/14/2026

A friend shared this with me yesterday..... I wish ,from the bottom of my heart, that you will never know .... to my fellow bereaved feel my arms around you (((((Hugs )))))

“A Child Loss”
(By Patti Woosley)

Do you want to know what it is like to lose a child?
You need to sit down.
This could take quite a while.
At first you are in shock, and then you are in denial. And pretty soon reality puts your emotions on trial.
You lose so much, but the first you lose is your smile. To others you seem okay, but you really are not.
The grief that you feel is only the start,
because your child now lives only in your heart.
You treasure each picture.
It is all you have got.
You cling to memories that you thought you forgot.
You know your life will never again be the same.
You pretend things are okay, and you hide your pain. You just want someone to mention his name,
so you can imagine that he is beside you again.
Sometimes you feel like you are going insane.
You still feel all alone,
even when in a crowd.
Others can speak of their children of whom they are proud, but to talk about your child, somehow isn't allowed.
So your child's memories are hidden under grief's cloud.
You just want to mention his name out loud.
With each day you are reminded of all you have lost.
And how much your loss has ultimately cost.
Your child's hopes and dreams have all been tossed.
So before you judge, keep your fingers crossed,
that you never know the pain of a child loss.
You hold back tears, because they would be a stream.
You cry every day, but you really want to scream.
"My child mattered, how can people be so mean?"
You pray for a visit, or vision in the form of a dream.
So before you tell me some over-used, silly cliche'
Like "He is in a better place" or "Things are better this way,”
think about what you are about to say.
I really mean it when I tell you, I hope and pray,
that you never know the pain that I feel, each and every day.

05/03/2026