07/01/2026
Envy and Comparison Amongst Players
Have you ever been at a table where someone can’t seem to lose, their chip stack is consistently growing and you begin to feel negatively toward them? You start comparing your chip stack to their stack and every hand they’re in, you pay extra attention and hope they’ll lose their chips or get stacked. But only the opposite happens and their stack keeps growing. They're thriving while you're stuck inside your own head. You're trying to energetically control another person’s circumstances while consequently draining yourself.
On the contrary, have you ever sat down at a table and had someone size you up? You can tell that they think they can take your chips and are judging you. But this actually feeds your desire to do better because now you have something to prove. And you end up building your stack, making strong plays, and possibly stacking the person who was paying a little too much attention to you. It’s a similar concept, but of course, we prefer the latter.
In both situations, players are emotionally invested in someone else’s outcome or someone else's perception, instead of focusing on their own game. Envy causes you to focus on their downfall rather than your own decision-making. You are spending too much of your energy focusing on someone else not getting what you want while you should instead be focused on what you’re hoping to gain.
The moment you feel an outward shift, finding yourself looking a little too much in someone else's direction, comparison/envy has likely entered the picture. It is a normal, human emotion not to be critical of, but to be aware of. Simply noticing and naming that shift is often the first step toward redirecting your focus back to your own game. Once you become aware of it, you can be intentional about regaining control. You can refocus on grounding yourself, becoming present again, and making the best decisions for the hand you're in.
It makes sense that envy and jealousy arise in poker. We are all playing with the same goal: to win. You are consistently faced with strong competitors in a one-person game who will test you and sometimes cause frustration. This is not a team sport. We aren't playing nicely; we're playing fiercely, and that is part of the thrill that draws us to the game. The wins of your opponents are in your face and sometimes at your expense. You see their success, their massive stack, their winner's photo, and of course you want it to be yours. But this doesn’t have to feel bad or negative.
You can be jealous of someone and also be happy for their success. This is what I find with myself a lot, especially toward women. I want women to succeed. I want them to kick ass! But at the same time there is a fleeting thought of, "Ugh, when will it happen for me, and can it happen for me?"
There is a term for this: benign envy. Benign envy is when you want what someone else has while also wanting them to succeed. This is a normal experience and can be used as motivation. It shows you what is possible for yourself and what you can learn from them.
Malicious or toxic envy, on the other hand, is hoping they fail. Thinking things like, "They are undeserving." I have found myself at times having these thoughts and, almost every time, as I alluded to earlier, I end up watching the person who I hope will fail do the opposite. It’s obviously hard to say there is a correlation between thoughts and outcomes, but ultimately it is unproductive to engage in and feed that toxic energy.
So, whenever I start to feel envious of someone, I ask myself a simple question: "Do I admire them?"
If I find myself unable to find a reason to admire them, I know my feeling of envy is on a more superficial level, which makes it easier to let go of. I am probably envious of their tournament success, their popularity, and their Hendon Mob numbers. But I am not admiring their substance or who they are as both a poker player and a person.
If I find myself saying yes, then I ask myself what I admire about them. Do I admire their discipline, confidence, or emotional control? Do I admire how they treat people at the table and their overall positive disposition? Then I ask myself what I can learn from them and what steps I can take.
So, when comparing yourself to others, remind yourself that you may be comparing your chapter 1 or 2 to someone else's chapter 20. You may only be seeing snapshots of their success and not the many years of min-cashes, bust-outs, frustration, studying, and experience that came before it.
Envy is not necessarily the problem; it is a normal feeling. It’s when envy isn’t examined and is left to simmer that it can become destructive. Understand what it’s trying to tell you and use it as a source of information. Let it point you toward your goals and help you understand what you value. It can be a tool for growth rather than a source of negativity and frustration.
Also while playing live poker tournaments, I sometimes find myself in a scarcity mindset. Scarcity mindset is generally defined as "a pattern of thinking that focuses on what you don’t have and the underlying belief that you’re not ever going to have the things you want, even when you have access to basic needs, like food, water, housing, income, etc.".
When applied to poker, this may be the feeling that you barely have any chips, you feeling like resources are short, and this is a problem that seems unfixable. This is a self-defeating mindset as you do have the same access to chips as everyone else. Focusing on having few chips as a problem is draining, can be anxiety-inducing and obviously takes you away from the task at hand. "A chip and a chair" is a quote you hear often and serves as a reminder that you have access to more chips and are capable of growing your stack regardless of the position you are in.
Chips come and go, they rotate around the table from person to person and stack sizes are constantly changing. What doesn't have to change is your mindset and your ability to adapt to the game, your current chip stack, and your opponents. Those are things you can control. Stay grounded in the evidence that, with time, experience, and commitment, you can start to see similar results to those you envy and admire alike. Someone else's success is simply a reminder of what may still be in store for you.
Danielle Norkin is a licensed psychotherapist specializing in trauma treatment through psychedelic-assisted therapies. She became interested in poker after playing her first live cash game in March of 2024, quickly realizing the complexity and deeply psychological nature of the game. After transitioning into tournament play about a year later, the importance of the mental side of the game became even more clear and she began to focus on it more intentionally. Now, as a new mom, she has found that playing poker comes with a new set of challenges and has developed a deeper appreciation for mindset, emotional regulation, and presence at the table. She is passionate about exploring these elements as she continues to grow in the game.
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