https://www.firstumc.org/congregational-care/connections/

Connections: A Memory Ministry, 72 Lake Morton Drive, Lakeland, FL (2026)

02/16/2024

While having fun, our members are working on decision making skills, creative thinking, communication, and the importance of friendships.

02/15/2024

The Importance of Storytelling and Dementia

Most people enjoy telling funny stories, sharing fun adventures, or reminiscing about younger days. We can select our audiences, places to share our stories, and can recall the last time we told the story. However, if someone is living with memory loss, the person is unable to recall which story was told and to whom or even where. Thus, stories are repeated, and sometimes not accurately, because as memories fade so do the details.

Correcting an insignificant detail when someone living with dementia is proudly ”holding court" and sharing an important and meaningful memory is not only unnecessary, it is inconsiderate and unkind. “Constant correctors” of persons living with memory loss can bring shame and embarrassment to the person and erode trust. It is usually not an intentional motive, so learning to “let go" of the need to make sure the facts are correct takes practice.

People with memory loss may find it difficult to follow conversations, and may revert to telling a favorite story in order to communicate and feel a sense of connectedness and belonging. Sharing these meaningful experiences also gives the person a sense of purpose and helps maintain identity and personhood. Notice how animated and happy the person is each time they repeat a familiar story. Facts are no longer important but feelings are.

Repetitive questions are also bothersome, but again, the person with dementia cannot recall their question was just answered, or even asked. Reasonable questions require a reasonable and respectful answer every time the question is repeated.

As troublesome as the repeated stories are, it is so important to listen with a playful heart and enjoy the time together and help the person feel heard and value. You are the keeper of memories now, so cherish every one.

02/15/2024

Look what we have been up to!

11/02/2023

Promoting Independence at Mealtimes for People Living with Dementia

Sometimes, people just lose interest in food. Certain medications can also affect appetite. To encourage healthy eating and maintaining independence with someone living with dementia, the following tips may make mealtime more pleasant and enjoyable.

Use red plates. Research has shown an increase in food consumption using red plates rather than white, as it is difficult to see foods on a white background.

Use smaller plates. Often, someone living with dementia may refuse to eat because the portions look too large.
Utensils may become more difficult to manage or confusing which one to use.

Provide only one utensil. If that becomes too difficult, prepare meals that can be eaten without utensils.
Provide finger foods, especially for snacks. Berries, grapes, nuts, fresh vegetables, quartered sandwiches, and chicken fingers are all great options so they can focus on the enjoyment of the food.

If your family member “gets stuck” and stops eating, do not assume they are finished. Sit with your family member with little conversation and use gentle physical prompts to restart the eating, such as handing the spoon to them or tap the plate.

Music can be soothing while eating. Avoid music they may try to sing with, as this can be a choking hazard. Soft jazz has been shown to aid in digestion.

Add spices that can enhance the flavors. Use ones they enjoy to increase the smells and taste. Cinnamon can really add flavor to boring veggies! The goal is to eat as nutritiously as possible, but preparing food differently may improve their appetite.

Cut up the food into smaller bites. Cut the food before placing it on the table in front of them. This shows respect and maintains their dignity.

Avoid coaxing or “reminding” them they have always “liked this food.” Dementia may affect the ability to smell or cause changes in tastes or textures.

Avoid correcting them if they say they have already eaten. Apologize for offering them more food and put it away. Bring the plate back to the table in a matter of minutes and try again.

If you would like information on our Memory Ministry, Memory Café, or Family and Friends Workshops, please contact Vicky Pitner at [email protected].

09/15/2023

Labor Day or Labor of Love?

We know fall is fast approaching because another Labor Day has come and gone. Designated as a federal holiday in 1894, the first Monday of September was created to recognize the contributions and achievements of the American worker. This day pays tribute to the women and men for their efforts in building a strong and prosperous nation.

We tend to think of the workers who leave their homes and commute to factories, hospitals, offices, and other places of employment. However, there is another group of hard-working and dedicated men and women who do not leave the house and whose unpaid work often goes unnoticed. This valuable workforce is 15 million strong who genuinely give a labor of love, families and friends who support someone living with dementia in the home. This includes over 80% of people living with memory loss in the US.

When you look at the sacrifices these family members and friends make, they have an impact on the strength and prosperity of our great country. 45% of these family members still have outside jobs, 33% neglect their own personal care and well-being, and 80% pay out of pocket for many of the expenses associated with the care. These dedicated family members and friends are the backbone of our long-term healthcare system.

So let’s salute and send a special thanks to all the family members and friends who are making a difference in the life of a loved one every single day of the year. Taking off on Labor Day was really not an option for millions of Americans.

For more information on our Memory Ministry, Memory Café or Family and Friends Trainings please contact Vicky Pitner, Memory Ministry Coordinator at [email protected].

08/22/2023

Join me for a free family and friends workshop on Promoting Positive Interactions!

07/20/2023

Adapting Games to Ensure Success for People with Memory Loss

Vicky Pitner - July 19, 2023

I am often asked what are some good activities for someone with dementia, and my response is always the same; any activity. The secret, however, is knowing how to adapt an activity to match the person’s ability.

Playing cards, board games, and other table games is fun and can easily be modified to stay connected to your loved one with memory loss. These activities are also for cognitive stimulation, socialization, and promoting a feeling of self-worth and well-being. Too often, expectations of those experiencing cognitive decline is so low, and sadly, they will gladly meet our expectations. Focusing on the person’s strengths and observing what they can do, rather than what they can’t do, is key in offering a life of quality and promoting over-all well-being.

Vintage games not only engage with the person, but also can be used as a meaningful visual prop to start a conversation. Jacks, SpinTops (with strings), Marbles, Pick-up Sticks, and Yo Yo’s can help people with dementia retrieve memories from their childhood and reminisce about school or recall friends in the neighborhood. You can find these at a Cracker Barrel. They have a plethora of vintage toys as well as candies and different type of sodas that are perfect for talking about the “old days.”

Red Rover, Tag, Jump Ropes (Double Dutch!), Hide and Seek, and Kick the Can are familiar games for outside play. One of the first games centered towards kids was Hop-Scotch, which came from ancient military trainings during the Roman Empire. The courts were over 100 feet long. You might be surprised how long many board games have been around. Lizzie Magie invented The Landlords Game, that eventually was called Monopoly, that was introduced in 1935.

Playing table games such as Scrabble, Checkers, Chess, Dominos, and Uno, are easy to adapt by disregarding the original rules. Play with the least restrictive boundaries. With Uno, remove the “nasty” cards such as Draw Four, Reverse, Skip… and play with the color cards with numbers. Deal 6-8 cards and have one person start by throwing card in the middle. Everyone can then play one card that matches that color and number. If that is too difficult, matching either the number or the color would work. The next person will throw out a new card. Only take turns to start a new card and let everyone play a card to match the center card. The first to discard all cards is the new dealer.

Play Scrabble without the board and just give the person 4-5 letters that you have chosen to spell a word. Dominos can be fun by just matching the tiles end to end, regardless of the number on the tile.

Always start with an idea, and assess the ability level of the person, and then make more adaptations as necessary to ensure success. You can also start a game, and just follow the person’s lead. The idea is not to “win” or be the best player, but to have meaningful interactions.

Games and activities are also a great way to assess any changes in the progression of dementia. Notice any changes in their skills and you will better understand other areas in their life that need understanding.

A 2013 study in France found that over a 20 year period, the risk of dementia was lower in board game players (by 15 percent ) vs. people with dementia that did not play table games. Stimulating, leisure activities are considered possible protective factors against dementia and cognitive decline.

So have fun, you can benefit as well!

If you would like more information on our Memory Ministry, Memory Cafe, or support trainings we offer, please contact Vicky Pitner at [email protected].

05/11/2023

Living in My Shoes
Vicky Pitner - May 9, 2023

Imagine waking up in the morning confused and not being able to recognize where you are. Imagine walking out of the bedroom and your daughter appears and immediately questions why you are not dressed. Your daughter, who you might not recognize at first, immediately begins to “remind” you of the doctor appointment that you have been told about several times, even as recent as last night. Imagine you are unable to retain new information and did not know of the appointment, so imagine how you might respond.

You likely would deny knowing about the appointment, or even argue that you do not need to see a doctor, as you feel fine. Continue to imagine how this interaction can become intense and both you and your daughter begin to argue. Image the shame you feel because you didn’t remember the appointment and the fear you feel about seeing a doctor you don’t need. Imagine the emotional pain you feel because you want your family member to feel the same emotions as you. Imagine you have dementia.

This is a simple example of what a person living with dementia may feel when they are experiencing confusion. Likely, the above scenario led to a conflict that lasted all morning and the appointment likely had to be cancelled. Being able to show deep empathy for a person with dementia results in outcomes that are much more productive and pleasant. By being able to connect to the person and feel their emotions, you can better understand and interact with the person more calmly and effectively.

It is not always easy. But practicing your efforts to identify with the person’s emotions will result in better relationships, less arguing, and create a shared and meaningful connection. So let’s try this same scene again, but using an empathetic approach.

Imagine you wake up confused and do not recognize where you are. You walk out of the bedroom and your daughter greets you with a smile. She says good morning and invites you into the kitchen for coffee. Imagine you are a bit hesitant, but your daughter walks over and takes your arm gently and says something to the effect of, “You know how your daughter Debbie loves to have coffee as much as you! I have it ready! Have I told you I love you today?”

Imagine how you become more oriented and comforted by a familiar smile, a kind touch, and the beginning to a routine you have likely enjoyed most of your adult life. While having your coffee, imagine your daughter apologizing to you for not letting you know of a doctor’s appointment that morning, but assures you there is plenty of time and you will enjoy breakfast afterwards at a favorite restaurant. Then imagine her asking you how you feel about that.

Lastly, imagine how validated, understood, and loved you feel because your daughter made an effort to recognize your feelings. Empathy can help you to understand the pain, confusion, shame and grief of stepping into the shoes of a person with dementia. But shifting your perspective doesn’t mean you only see things intellectually, but asking questions so assumptions are not made and feelings are not misinterpreted.

People living with dementia still have emotions, feelings, observations, insights, and opinions, but when we discount the person, and take away their dignity because we have a certain agenda (getting to the doctor’s appointment) rather than go with their agenda (waking up slowly, confused and needing the reassurance of trust and safety), the days will become less stressful and relationships can be more meaningful.

If you would like more information on our Memory Ministry, Memory Cafe, or support trainings we offer, please contact Vicky Pitner at [email protected]

05/06/2023

In the United States, there is an estimated 7 million adults living with Alzheimer’s disease or other types of dementia, and approximately 75%- 80% of those are living in their home and are being supported by their family. The support the family members provide are crucial in the quality of life a...

04/11/2023

Living Well with Memory Loss

Studies continue to show that socialization, physical activity, cognitive stimulation, having an outlet for self-expression through art or music, and nurturing a person’s spirituality not only can help reduce the risks of developing cognitive decline, these same activities can actually slow the progression of dementia.

Remaining social and active can also improve mood, help with depression, assist in maintaining independence and enhance overall well-being, without the side effects that some medications can cause! FUMC is fortunate to have a weekly Memory Café that does just that! And best of all, the families attend with their family member and will reap the same benefits to promote self-care.

The Memory Café has been meeting on Mondays mornings from 10:00am-11:30am since August of 2021 and welcomes individuals living with memory loss and a family member. There is no cost or evaluation needed and the Café offers families mutual support, and sharing of resources while enjoying structured activities, group discussions, and learning strategies for maintaining quality of life and overall well-being as a family. Activities are varied, and the Café is designed to help break the stigma that a diagnosis of dementia can bring, and to make connections and enjoy the company of other families.

Shifting the paradigm on how we understand dementia, Alzheimer’s disease and other neurocognitive disorders from a scary and negative history of the word “dementia,” to believing that people are LIVING with dementia and not “suffering”, and they deserve a life of quality, and continue to share joyful experiences with their family and friends.

Facilitated by Vicky Pitner, a Certified Dementia Practitioner and Coordinator of the Memory Ministry, and with the support of wonderful, dedicated, and trained volunteers, the Café members develop a close bond and look forward to seeing their friends on Monday mornings.

The Memory Ministry also offers family and friends trainings, coaching, and education on neurocognitive disorders.

If you would like more information about the Café, support, practical care giving strategies or information on other services of the Memory Ministry, please contact Vicky Pitner at [email protected]

02/03/2023

eConnections 2.1.23 - https://mailchi.mp/firstumc/thursday-econnections-l5gwi35ui8-8857225-lssmtnhimq-9295457

01/13/2023

As we age, our thought processes can slow down and we may become a bit forgetful; misplacing our keys occasionally or forgetting why we walked into a room. This forgetfulness can be quickly resolved by retracing our steps or just taking a few minutes to recall where we left the keys or what we neede...

Connections: A Memory Ministry

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