05/29/2026
🩷
Watching you learn to try and to trust is like something I've never experienced before. It's this overwhelming feeling of pride, mixed with an inexplicable sadness that I can't quite put my finger on. And, occasionally, I'll get hit with these huge waves of disbelief that you are even willing to try.
The day after your castration, you were following me gently on the halter, allowing me to lead the way and take you wherever my feet went. I saw the uncertainty rippling across your face, yet there was this trust in your eyes that seemed to overpower the worry lines and wrinkles around your eyes. You just knew you could follow me.
I felt myself almost start to cry, pressure growing in my chest, my throat clinching itself shut. It made no sense to me why, after yesterday's events, you'd still have this trust in me. Why you'd still be willing to follow me anywhere. And yet you do.
And every single time I feel you soften underneath my touch, or I see you lower your poll and take a moment to breathe while you're beside me, I feel that same overwhelming sense of pride, mixed with that tinge of sadness. I'm so proud of you because you have chosen to fight through years of walls, defensiveness and fears to get to where you are right now. And, I am so sad that you've had to live so many years feeling like survival mode was your only option.
Now, we get to untangle the webs and cords that keep you walled off. The ones that you hide behind. The ones your nervous system created just to keep you safe. And day by day, my boy, we will. One piece at a time. We will slowly unravel it all until you realize that you are safe now. That you can breathe. That you can exhale one of those long, soul-cleansing breaths that give you a glimpse of what true peace feels like.
I will be beside you when it feels right, and a step ahead of you when you need me to lead. And I will keep watching in awe as you navigate it all. 💛
