11/10/2019
My name is Nadine Hobbs and I lost my youngest son to su***de on April 13, 2019. He was one of 4 that died from su***de that weekend. The overwhelming grief of losing someone who chose to do this leaves the family with so many questions. Most questions may not have answers, only guesses, but in the mean time you are left with making so many
decisions in such a short amount of time. This resource guide is for you and your family to help guide you in the initial decisions that need to be made. This is not all inclusive and is not promoting any business but I am trying to give you a starting point to help out. This is for Lenoir County with resources in the surrounding area.
Detective – the detective will ask you questions about you loved one and do the investigation of their death. They will need to rule out everything to determine su***de. They may take evidence with them, in my case they took the rifle and his cell phone. I chose to have them dispose of the rifle and I did get the phone back. The detective will give you their contact information and help answer questions related to the case and any evidence.
Medical Examiner – They will come to the scene and complete the report and send that to you. Autopsy, full – internal and external examination or partial- external examination only. They should leave their contact information with you.
Be prepared to wait 6 weeks for simple to 6 months for a complex report. When you do get the report, I would suggest you have someone with you as this is very graphic and detailed. You may want to be selective with who you share this report with.
https://www.ocme.dhhs.nc.gov/faq/index.shtml
800-682-8181
The Morgue – Located at UNC Lenoir Hospital. Viewing is possible only after completion of the Medical Examiners exam. Su***de has many forms and viewing a loved one after the fact can be extremely difficult and traumatic for the family. Contact the Nurse Supervisor at UNC Lenoir at 252-522-7000 and ask for the Nurse Supervisor, she can help
answer questions you have and can arrange a time for viewing as needed.
Donation – Your loved one may be eligible for body, skin, tissue, cornea donation. If so you will receive a call from the donation center in Raleigh. They will ask you a list of questions to see if eligible and if you would like to donate. There is no cost for this and don’t be surprised at what time they may call. This is a time sensitive item for them.
https://www.carolinadonorservices.org/frequently-asked-questions
Funeral Home – one of the first things you will be asked. Do not feel rushed to make this decision. Read the information in the link supplied before you start. Also, don’t be afraid to ask someone to help do the leg work and get prices and options for you. Have them right down prices and what’s included with each option along with contact info.
https://www.funeral-help.com/funeral-topics/
Do you want a cremation or funeral?
Is money a factor? We did cremation and found the cheapest one, which may not be in Lenoir County.
o Cremation is about $1,000
o Burial is about $7,000 to $10,000 +.
Do you want Visitation and if so where? A Family members house, a church, a funeral home.
Do you want a service? If so, what kind, Traditional Funeral, with an Urn, A celebration of life.
Where do you want the service? A church, the Funeral home, a school gym, the recreation department gym, in your backyard?
Obituary – do you want to disclose su***de or not? Do you want traditional or talk about loved one’s life?
Picking a picture – how do you chose which one to attach to the obituary/service?
o Social Security death benefits
o Social Security Survivors benefits
o Veterans death benefits
Death Certificate – you will need to know how many you want. Depending on the person it could be 3 or more.
Biohazard Cleaning – I highly recommend you hire someone to handle any excessive bloody trauma, they will do a thorough job and you really do not need to see this.
1. ServePro – Lenoir County
a. https://www.servprolenoirduplinjonescounties.com/biohazard-cleaning
b. 252-208-7888
2. https://www.cleantechfellows.com/Kinston/NC/biohazard-cleanup/restore-98001611.html
a. https://www.cleantechfellows.com/Kinston/NC/biohazard-cleanup/restore-98001611.html
b. 252-269-1222
Grief resources:
This is where I struggled. Death is hard enough, but death by su***de is a tough one. Someone explained it to me this way. When you lose someone to an illness, a car accident or old age, you can separately blame the illness, accident or age for the death and grief the person you lost. With Su***de, you have to figure out how to grief the same person who
took their own life. There is help out there, there are people who want to help you, you need to explore and figure out what is the right help for you as we all grief differently and that is OK. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or assistance.
Types of help that are available:
Individual Counseling
Group Counseling
Grief support groups
Su***de Support groups
Facebook su***de support groups
National Su***de support
Where help is available:
Family and Friends
Churches
Internet
Facebook
GriefShare – GriefShare is for people grieving the death of a family member or friend and is church sponsored.
https://www.griefshare.org/groups/search
CareNet – CareNet provides health and hope for those facing personal struggles, the loss of a love one, career concerns and much more. We want to help you on your journey toward a more abundant life. We deliver specialized, spiritually-
integrated care, education, training and consultations for a variety of mental health issues through the compassionate presence of professionally trained, state licensed and certified professionals.
https://carenetnc.org/about/
Touched by Su***de –Touched by Su***de is a group based in Greenville, NC. TBS is a part of Faith Assembly Church and is here to support anyone who has been affected by the su***de of a loved one.
https://www.facebook.com/events/faith-assembly-church-5005-corey-road-winterville-nc-28590/touched-by-
su***de-connect-meeting/527001828106742/
PTSD – did you see this happen or see the aftermath, this is different than grief and should be treated differently. See someone that can separate the PTSD and Grief.
VA center in Greenville – for Veterans
Jessica Holton
Church organizations – your church, churches in the community. You do not need to be a member to participate with
their support groups.
The Compassionate Friends – The Compassionate Friends provides highly personal comfort, hope, and support to every family experiencing the death of a son or a daughter, a brother or a sister, or a grandchild, and helps others better assist the grieving family. They have links to many facebook support groups.
https://www.compassionatefriends.org/find-support/to-the-newly-bereaved/
Survivors of Su***de –
http://www.survivorsofsu***de.com/
American Foundation for Su***de Prevention
https://afsp.donordrive.com/
Cancer Centers
Giving back – You will never forget your loved one but their life was more than their last action. Focus on the good and positive in their life and remember to take of yourself. If you need a friend that has gone through this you can contact me at 252-560-9546.
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