12/26/2024
A little CAC humor written by Dick Wolfsie for one of his weekly columns.
CEREAL KILLERS
Every year in late December, the Wolfsie family sits down and decides where we will donate money. We try to spread our giving to as many well-deserving charities as possible rather than giving a more considerable sum to just one or two.
One of my favorites is Centered Around Christ (CAC), a service organization dedicated to helping those with food and housing needs. Two of our friends have dedicated much of their lives to this organization. When I wrote them a check, I knew it would be used for their mission, but my frustration with such donations is that you don’t know exactly how those in need benefit. That's why I never pass someone on the street corner asking for money without giving. I know that’s a controversial issue, but I like the human contact. I ask their names and wish them luck.
Are there better ways to help those in need? Am I being scammed? Should I tell the guy to get a job? Honestly, I don’t know the answer. I simply like the look on their faces when I hand them a couple of bucks. So, when I wrote a check to CAC, I stuck a hundred-dollar bill in the envelope with this note to my friends: Please use this cash to buy necessary items for those experiencing homelessness.
I did this because my friends are geniuses at getting stuff like socks, cereal, candy bars, underwear, and canned goods at incredibly low prices. They use coupons, beg from store managers, and keep an eye out for overstocked items that a store might be happy to let go at a rock-bottom price. I also knew they would keep me apprised of their negotiations and the specifics of their shopping purchases. Here were their texts to me for the first week.
Dick: We just got three boxer briefs packs for $4.50; Retail was $38.00, an 88% saving.
Dick: 36 boxes of cereal for $11.33
Dick: 70 Granola bars for $15.72
Dick: Just got 12 cans of soup for $5.52.
Dick: What a deal: Nature’s Path, 15 boxes for $9.30.
Dick: 1260 KitKats for $37.08, a savings of $333.00.
Dick: We spent the rest of your money today. We got 33 pairs of thermal socks for $16.50.
Dick: Your final total shows that for your hundred bucks, we purchased food and clothing worth $829.00.
I also got a spreadsheet. Oh, to be so organized.
By the way, I’ve added this up, and I think they still have a nickel left over. I hope they don’t squander it. With that five cents they could treat me to a dozen KitKats.
While they work as a couple, my buddy does most of the finagling (I love that word). I won’t tell you his name, but he’ll answer to any grocery store manager screaming: CEREAL, 10 CENTS A BOX.
So, if you see a completely bald, 6-foot-4-inch man stuffing 30 boxes of Froot Loops in his trunk, that’s him.
