03/31/2026
Happy Trans Day of Visibility to all of my trans friends, clients, and followers!! Whether you’re out or not out. No matter your gender. No matter what. I love you just the way you are. Keep being yourself and know that no matter how someone treats you that’s about them. You are worthy of love and I want you to be here and be yourself, even if right now it’s hard or in private. Love you love you. 😘
If you’re having trouble accepting, trusting, understanding trans people and what it’s about and how it works, whether it’s right or wrong, or whatever—— I hope and pray you will educate yourself, open yourself up to know a trans person, at least one, to come to love and appreciate a trans person and their story and how things are for them. I hope you learn to understand how your words and stares and your “stance” on things causes incredible harm. I hope you understand the dangers of transphobia and the overwhelmingly high rates of violent crimes, murder, s*xual assaults, harassment, discrimination, the barriers that even the most well adjusted and fortunate trans folks face every day.
I have worked with many many trans, nonbinary, gender nonconforming, gender questioning, gender dysphoric youth and the harm they experience from their schools, peers, and worst of all their own parents and family—- is heartbreaking. Every single one of of these kids have self harmed and/or attempted su***de. After intense family therapy sessions I’ve prayed for them and spent nights awake worrying about them and wishing I could save them from the pain. When your own parent shames you, rejects you, disdains you for merely the way you express yourself in your preferred name, your clothing or hairstyle, it’s absolutely heartbreaking. It’s one of the worst things you can do to a kid who is still learning to love themselves, still figuring out who they are.
Supporting a trans kid does not make them trans. There is no agenda. They’re not just trying to get into a different bathroom— WTF would be the point of that, why would someone put a target on themselves like that just to bother people and “get attention?” The self harm and su***de attempts I’ve seen in adolescents are earnest attempts. It is not just “attention seeking.” Kids experiment with identities in many ways as teens including their style, hobbies, friends, and yeah there is gender, romantic, and s*xual development. Development is the keyword. We’re not here to “make” or mold our kids. We’re here to love them as they are, support and protect them. And punishing the gay or trans away is not protecting them. It’s hurting them. Most kids find someone supportive at school despite the inevitable bullying and still find that bit of support worth it. The real horrors happen at home.
Just love people. Most especially, most crucially your own children. Sure maybe it is a phase! I had a “gay” phase. I didn’t “grow out of it” and I wasn’t faking it. I was figuring things out and trying to be true to myself. I was testing the waters to see what was safe to say or do and how folks would respond. How honest could I be? I was not aware in the early 2000s of all the options. I felt pressured to be a girl, straight, a s*x object for gross men, yuk, or a gay girl who could try and escape that objectification by being gay. Later I realized there were more options. My mom just rolled with it and when I told her nonchalantly with no context “hey btw I’m gay, decided I’m gay” she was just like “oh really?” Me: yep. Mom: ok then allrighty. What are we doing for dinner?” Equally nonchalantly and that was the whole conversation, And we never even mentioned it again and everyone was literally fine. And I never went out of my way to date girls and she never followed up for an update. Just literally maybe actually literally forgot all about it. I know I’m probably not straight. I find people attractive or not as a whole person. Whatever. I don’t need labels.
Point is we’re all figuring it out, and loving and accepting someone where they are doesn’t mean you’re signing off on some lifelong commitment to anything. My mom and I never went and signed a gay contract for me. We learn and change every day and just gotta love each other thru it. We all should have the right to express ourselves how we want and try new things and become who we want to be, that feels right for us. Not who others want us to be.
Some days i feel girly and wanna be “pretty” and wear flowers and dresses. Some days i feel like a “sissy little girl” carrying a purse and that feels like a costume, same with dresses or makeup. Some days I feel more masculine and wanna walk and talk and be treated like a man. Some days men look good. Some days women look good. Some days everybody looks good. Some days no one looks good. Some days I want to hide and not be addressed by anyone at all. Some days I want to be tough, other days tender.
I hope you feel like yourself today and have more and more days like that. Just let people live.
