10/20/2012
*if you are to share this please keep it annonymous*
ok so when I was in Grd. 4, 2 girls decided that they wanted to bully me.... so they found my e-mail address and sent me an email... it read "If you ever talk to _____ (not goin to say the name, but it was my BEST friend) again... we'll kill you... we'll get you alone an cut your throat." It was annonymous. I was terrified, so I didn't go to school for a week. The next week my mom made me go to school, she said the girls were probably over it now. So I went to school, and I sat alone at lunch.... and I sat alone at recess.... no one said a word to me
the whole day.... I got home only to find my e-mail full of hate.... "never go to school again" "no one likes you" "just go drink some bleach" "can you just die already" "we all hate you! Get out of this world" ext. It was terrible! that night... I started cutting. (i didnt tell anybody) I was only 10! So My mom told me to go to school again the next day.... big mistake..... I walked through the door an people just stared at me with these discusted looks. At recess people finally got the courage to say everything to my face... and I mean everything. I got home and I ate probably 1-2 bottles I pills.... next thing I remember was waking up in the hospital... I was out of school for a month and once I got back the rest of the year was full of bullying. Over the summer O stayed in... no one talked to me and no one wanted to hang out with me... I saw no one but my parents and my brother all summer... I got back to school and everything was terrible from grade 5-6 I attemted su***de 24 times and I self-harmed the whole time. In 7th grade, I came to school nervous as hell. My anxiety was awful... but when I got there ppl would smile at me in the hallways... and say hi.... that year I stopped cutting... I didn't attempt su***de once... my anxiety started to go away... and I was... happy. I had one really good friend, we hung out for half The summer... but near the end she stopped talking to me. It's this year I was so excited for school in September it was my grade 8 year, who wouldn't be excited? But of course the first day no one said a word to me.... at the end of the day, the two girls walked up to me and said "you're a bitch. You know what happens to bi***es? They die. So watch your back." I was so scared. I went home and cried I started cutting again and I tried to commit su***de..... I drank bleach. I got sent to the hospital. When I got back from the hospital, I went onto Facebook..... "why didn't the bleach work?" "why did god give you a second chance? you're a w***e! no one wants you alive." "I hope you have s*x again and die" I had no Idea what the last comment ment. Then I received and annonymous e-mail from and account I've never heard of. It read.
"Hey bitch. That's right I started the romour! And do you want to know what that romour is? Well here it is I said that over the summer you ha s*x with 7 guys that were 18+ and you posted pornogrophy on a website.... lets just say I'm very good with photo shop. Go kill yourself bitch" and that's exactly what I tried to do... but again it didn't work. Then a week later I got into a fight with my dad... and he hit me.... a lot... I had bruises and scraps on my back..... I went upstairs and sliced my wrist and legs... there was blood all over the floor... my dad ran upstairs yelling at me... "Why would you do this to yourself??? You're an idiot!" and left me sitting their crying....... 2 days Ago I found out that I have major depression, terrible anxiety, bipolar disorder, dysthymia, cyclothymia, and seasonal affective disorder....... In the past two days all that's gone through my mind is... life isn't worth living.... you're ugly..... you're worthless.... and nobody likes you.... just go kill yourself..... Please help me.... I don't want it to have to come to me killing myself..... but what if it does? Why has god given me so many more chances? If I want to die.... why wouldn't he let me??? Doesn't he see that Im in pain?? Doesn't he get it that I was just a mistake?
