05/30/2022
Hello my friends! I know that posts don’t always show up in everyone’s Newsfeed (for some reason;) so, I am posting this here to keep everyone up to date. I really want to be able to do Mom’s Celebration of Life this year. I don’t know if I will accomplish much else. I’ll definitely need help. ❤️ Here’s my post from a few days ago…
“Dear Facebook Family and Friends,
I am making this post for me…and anyone else that might have been through (or is going through) something like I am. I am not asking for pity or sympathy. I ask for your prayers…and even more prayers.
I had a nervous breakdown in January. Unfortunately, it wasn’t my first, but I pray it will be my last. I have never hidden the fact that anxiety (and depression) are part of who I am. Most the time, I handle life well. (I have an incredible family and circle of friends.)
Sadly, for the last few months, I haven’t handled life well. As I type this, I ask myself if I even want to be back on Facebook. It can be so good; yet, so evil at the same time. I think about things that people could say to my kids and the fact I am giving you access to my private life.
After a lot of prayer, I have decided to make this post. If I can help one person that struggles like I do, then it’s worth it. I have the support of my family, and I feel in my heart it’s the right thing to do.
I have a wonderful doctor. If you’ve ever experienced mental health issues, then you know finding the right medications can be hell. You don’t get overnight results on anything…all the while fighting your anxiety and depression. It can literally take months.
I believe A GREAT DEAL of people do not understand mental health issues. Please don’t ever tell someone suffering with anxiety and depression to “just snap out of it,” or “you just need some sleep.” “Quick Fix” comments cripple an already weak person. I encourage everyone to learn more about mental health.
This is the first time I have been on Facebook in months. Like I said earlier, FB can be good and/or evil. I miss it. I miss seeing your pictures and my friends doing stuff. I want to post pictures and stuff too. I’ve always said I used FB (primarily) as a “scrapbook” for my kids.
As I type this, my hands are shaking and I want to cry. I know some people will think “Oh…she’s all better.”
I am not better. You don’t “get better.” You work to get stable through medications, therapy, and prayer…and then you learn to live with it. Anxiety and Depression do not “go away.”
I am working hard to get to a healthy place mentally and physically and it’s going to take time. Part of that work is the fact that I am just going to have to try and stop caring what people think of me and what I say, do, or post.
There are only a handful of people that REALLY know me. I know this post will be mocked by some people, shock some people, and some just won’t care…and that’s all fine.
It broke my heart that Michelle and I couldn’t hold Mom’s pageant this year. The reigning court will remain in place and with God’s Grace crown a court in 2023. I hope to be able to hold Mom’s Memorial in August. I have to get stronger and healthier to make it happen, but I am determined. There were a few other things that I wanted to do with BeeFree Keepers this year, but we will knock 2023 out of the ballpark! The Miss Maiden High School Pageant will also happen in 2023. All of this in God’s Grace, I pray.
There’s no way possible that I can “catch up” on five months of missed Facebook stuff. Happy Birthday to everyone I missed, Congratulations to everyone on your succeeding goals, and Congratulations to all of this year’s high school graduates! For those that have had losses, tragedies, and bad days…I am sorry. I pray for you to gain strength and healing.
Humor has ALWAYS been a coping mechanism for me and my anxiety. I am going to try (MY HARDEST) to use it to start feeling normal…and that includes posts on here. So…if you see a funny post from me, then please don’t think “she’s magically better.” The truth is probably I am struggling and using humor to survive.
You know you have the right people in your life when some tell you to “make the post,” and some say “not to do it.” I feel like making it is what I need to do to try and get some normalcy back in my life. I feel like I have let some very important people down, and it breaks my heart…but I have to put my mental health first. On the flip side, I have had some people reach out to me that I never dreamed would. Thank you.
Thank you, also, to the people that have reached out to my Abbey. You will never know how much that means to me…and her.
My life is never going to be the same again. My breakdown took me down.
Hard.
Every day is hard, but I do see light at the end of this tunnel…and I’m not stopping the fight until I get there.
I humbly ask for your prayers. And please know, you are in mine.
Love,
Amy”
