11/25/2025
🎄🎅 DEADPOOL’S TWILIGHT HOLIDAY PARADE RECAP 🎅🎄
(Yes, it’s me. No, Santa did not approve this message.)
So there I was… struttin’ through the Twilight Holiday Parade in Virginia, Minnesota on Saturday night, rocking my finest “I borrowed this from Santa while he wasn’t looking” coat. Kids everywhere. Lights everywhere. Candy everywhere. Responsibility? Nowhere.
I handed out goodies like Oprah on espresso:
“You get candy! You get candy! YOU—wait, are you old enough? Eh, whatever, YOLO—also gets candy!”
Crowd went wild.
Or maybe that was just me breathing too heavy in a Santa suit. Hard to tell.
Tiny humans screamed, “DEADPOOOOOL!”
Parents whispered, “Why is Santa… red? And armed?”
Elves questioned their life choices.
10/10 festive chaos.
Shoutout to the entire parade for letting me waddle around like a discounted mall Santa who happened to fall into a vat of radioactive Christmas spirit. Also shoutout to the kid who asked if I knew the real Santa.
(Yes. We’re in a fantasy football league. I’m losing.)
Anyway—Virginia, MN… you were magical, sparkly, jingly, and delightfully confused by my presence.
Would absolutely do it again.
Would absolutely steal Santa’s coat again.
Would absolutely NOT return it dry-cleaned.
🎁💥 Merry Twi-Mas, you majestic Northland weirdos! 💥🎁
Thanks Revive Virginia for the “stuff” and to Mark Sauer for snapping photographic evidence that can DEFINITELY be used in a court of law. t