11/16/2025
A few weeks ago, I made a decision, a deep, embodied choice to step into my dreams more fully.
To expand Mana Flow Collective in a way that ripples across the nation, serving community on a greater scale. To become more visible, more proactive and to embody confidence and authenticity in my leadership.
So I decided to open the container and invited a breathwork facilitator to co-lead the Full Moon gathering I’ve been holding for years.
The very next day... I fell flat on my face.
The moment I chose to rise, all the protective beliefs and old contracts I’ve carried, not just in this lifetime, but many, came rushing to the surface. Self-doubt, inferiority, that old “not good enough” story. It was like being swallowed by a fog of irrational thoughts.
There I was, questioning everything: “Why did I put myself in this? Why didn’t I just stay small and avoid this discomfort?”
All day, I was holding space for the unraveling. Witnessing what was coming up to be transmuted. It didn’t feel good, but I knew it was part of the unlayering. Part of the initiation.
And still… I didn’t arrive on the other side before ceremony began. When we opened the space, I had zero words. My mind went blank. The flow I’ve known for years disappeared. It felt so strange, so vulnerable.
Afterward, the emotional wave continued, embarrassment, defeat, hiding, second guessing everything, even my mission. But I stayed with it. I didn’t abandon myself.
And then something shifted.
After two days of sitting with the emotion, not bypassing or suppressing, it became a bridge. That fog became clarity. The darkness showed me exactly what I no longer want to carry so that I could lean more fully into what I do want.
I made a decision. A real one. One I could feel in my bones.
I am choosing to play full on, even when it’s messy, even when it doesn’t look like I imagined. I am trusting that the universe will continue to reflect back opportunities for me to rise into the woman, the leader, the force I came here to be.
This experience was both humbling and catalytic. And I am grateful for it.