03/19/2018
Friends this young man has been fighting an uphill battle for a long time, I’ve been following his journey and he is such an inspiration. Things are difficult right now and they could all use some prayers and love. Cancer is a rotten beast.
Updates, hmm. Increasingly harder to write. I sit down, and frankly I just stare at the screen. I have so much to say, and so little at the same time.
Marik hasn’t been resting well at all. His anxiety is high, because he needs more oxygen. The problem is that Marik is stubborn. He does things his way, not mine. Sure, he is sick, but he is also 5 foot 10 and built like a wall. I’m not getting him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. I was in his room rubbing his back at 1 this morning. The night before, he was drenched in sweat, the night before that, up at 4:30 am.
We saw his nurse today. BP is up, heart rate is up, there is wheezing in his right lung. She feels like we need to increase visits to twice a week, and I agree.
I sat with Marik today for about 2 hours in his room. He showed me a few things on Minecraft, complained that there wasn’t anything good on Netflix, and looked through until he found a game he just had to have. I made a secret video of him talking, so I will never forget the sound of his voice. His breathing is labored. 24 hours a day. I said, “Man, is it always so hard to breathe?” His reply, “yep.” Y’all, it’s so unfair.
We do everything we can for his anxiety, but ultimately his chest is filling with tumors. He is running out of space for air. The human body is wired to get anxious when your oxygen levels go down. His heart rate is so high during the day, it’s working so hard to pump oxygen. His levels are even lower when he sleeps, because his heart isn’t pumping as rapidly, so his oxygen declines even more.
His nurse said Marik’s diagnosis is like rolling a snowball uphill. It’s stable for a bit, but once you get to the top, and the snowball rolls over, it’s fast, furious, and there is no pushing it back up, no matter how hard you try. Then, she said our snowball just went over the top.