06/18/2026
I have four children, and in 2018, I lost one of them to su***de. His name was Andrew.
Andrew was deeply loved by everyone who truly knew him, and we miss him every single day. As I approach my 30th Father’s Day, I find myself reflecting on all the ways life has changed since losing him.
One thing that has changed for me is how I see birthdays. I never let a birthday pass without celebrating it. Since Andrew can no longer celebrate his, I make sure to honor every year I am still here. I know some people don’t enjoy their birthdays, but for me, each one feels like something to be grateful for, because Andrew will not have another one.
I think many of us who have lost someone carry something like that with us. We find our own ways to live with the grief and keep loving the person we lost.
Someone asked me to write this for AFSP, and honestly, it can be hard to put these feelings into words. Sometimes they are just too overwhelming. I remember, in the first few months after Andrew died, spending so much time telling my other children, “It’s not your fault.” It is so easy to blame ourselves. But I know that if they had known what Andrew was going through, they would have done anything they could to stop him. We all would have.
Over the years, the grief has been incredibly difficult. Getting involved with AFSP gave me a way to support a cause that matters deeply to me, so other families might not have to experience the pain my family has lived through. I am naturally an introvert, but it has been meaningful to be around people who understand this kind of loss, who share similar pain, and who also share the hope of creating a world where su***de is no longer something people consider.
Lastly, I would say this: be a good father. I was not perfect, but I know in my heart that I was there for my child. As parents, we cannot see everything. We cannot hear everything. Sometimes we cannot recognize the pain our children are hiding. But that does not mean we are not loving them, showing up for them, or trying our best.
And as heavy as grief can be, do not let it stop you from being present for the children who are still here. They need your love, and you need theirs. -Jay
