When I was given the news my niece was pregnant with a baby boy I was so excited. I love babies (who doesn't). I spent weeks on Pinterest pinning photo shoot ideas, along with props.. baby outfits.. even started sketching out backgrounds I wanted to create for photos I was to take of him for his first even fifth birthday. As the weeks past that excitement turned to worry. We were informed that the
baby's kidneys and lungs had not been developing. He was diagnosed with Potter's syndrome. My niece wanted to give her baby every fighting chance, she decided to go full term with her pregnancy. Five weeks before her scheduled due date, she gave birth to Ethan. Ethan was beautiful. He looked about as perfect as a baby could look on the outside. His little hands, feet, everything. so perfect. I held him and stared at him for several hours after he was born. He looked as though he was simply sleeping. I had never experienced losing a loved one prior to Ethan. Never seen a dead body, let alone held one. As I left the hospital that day I felt so many emotions. I felt very angry, very bitter, and sad. A sadness I had never felt. All emotions that don't come natural to me. The hospital had taken a few photos for my niece to have. To be honest they were pretty bad. My sister asked if I could come in the following day to take a few photos of Ethan before they said goodbye. I agreed. It was the best thing we could have done. I believe it was therapeutic for all of us. For my niece who had not shed a single tear through it all until that moment. For my sister who shed tears through it all but is now able to smile as she looks back at the photos of her and her grandson. And for myself who had the opportunity to capture it all and let go of that anger, bitterness and sadness to simply capture all that Ethan brought to our family. LOVE.
