06/23/2024
Today, I've decided to relinquish my dreams to everyone except for myself. By chasing after my goals of world peace, I've inadvertently bestowed irreversible damage to my body. Last night, I thought I was dying from a heart attack... and it's because my chronic anxiety is taking its final toll. I couldn't breathe normally, while also feeling chest/back pains that are difficult to explain the feeling of. My resting (non-active) pulse was at 110, and it's usually at 80. I literally chose my favorite outfit/crystals and left a letter next to them, saying: "If you are finding me right now, I'd like to be buried in these clothes." This is NO WAY to live a life, and I've made the decision that I no longer wish to carry this mission (not that anyone probably cares anyways).
Instead, I'm going to get rid of EVERYTHING that brings me and my family stress. My dad won't be able to paint anymore due to his Multiple Sclerosis, so I'm going to take on his role with my mother. I'm going to build a tiny home on our property, get a dog, and grow a garden. These are the things I've wanted this whole entire time, but didn't get the chance to because world peace was more important.
After thousands upon thousands of volunteering hours (probably even more), I'd like to find someone who feels that they are capable of carrying this out in a more efficient way. There always needs to be someone who breaks the barriers, and it's extremely tough to do... but allows for fresh minds to take over. Think: MySpace > Facebook
The entire blueprint is ready: Bullying Prevention, Humanitarian Aid, Reparations (between people AND our environment), and Immigration Reform. I can be a mentor and guide for anyone who wishes to help, but I'm not doing this in leadership any longer. My body, mind, and soul have been over-taxed through the creation of this, and I'm too tired to go any further. My heart is so drained, and I can feel it.
It is obviously with a heavy heart that I say any of this, as I only JUST began to feel like I was "ready," but my physical body is telling me that it is time for rest. It would be better for everyone if I stayed alive as a mentor, rather than die as a leader. This is not an easy decision to make, as it feels like "giving up," but if you knew what it physically feels like to be under chronic anxiety, it is very debilitating. Last night was wayyyy too scary for me, and the last thing I could ever want is for my parents to lose their only child.
It put this all into perspective a bit more. I can teach people about peace, how to implement the programs, and bring their own dreams into fruition... and do this all from my own tiny home in the middle of a forest. I really want a dog and pig too, as I've completely given up on men (who also seem to be dogs and pigs LOL)
Anyone who feels like they are READY to change the world, I will send you everything you could ever need in order to launch a grassroots program in your own local community. I will give you FREE guidance and support in every single way that I can. You will understand step by step how to bring your ideas to light, while contributing to the ACTUAL change of all humankind.
For some reason, there aren't tears flowing down my face as I write this, and I believe it's because I've already given the world all of the tears that could be shed by my spirit. Now, it's up to all of YOU to take that martyrdom, and DO SOMETHING. You are strong, you are brave, and YOU are courageous. Don't ever give up on yourself, our society, or the world...
Peace&Love,
Your brother Bobby ;)
