06/03/2026
Our sponsor, Smadar from Twinful Life says: "As a twin specialist, here are a few things I heard in the past 16 years that I encourage twin parents to avoid, and why."
⭐ “Why can’t you play together?”
Twins don’t always want or need to play together. We all need space sometimes, and it’s ok for them to express it. In fact, it’s a healthy emotional and physical boundary to set, and we should help them enforce it.
⭐ “Give X a turn, you make them sad”
Twins aren’t responsible for their co-twin’s feelings. If they don’t feel like sharing (yet or at all), it is on us, the adults, to support the upset twin in learning to handle challenging feelings and not deposit them on their co-twin.
⭐ “You need to share”
Twins are expected to share so much, often before they are emotionally ready (after the age of 3): Their space, toys, food, clothes, parents, room, and some even their looks.
It’s important to help twins learn that sometimes it’s ok not to share.
Some things can be just theirs.
⭐ “Look how X is ___. Why can’t you?”
Comparing twins is always a recipe for someone’s feelings to get hurt.
By comparing them, someone is always going to fall short.
Twins are two different people. They aren’t going to do things in the same way, nor at the same time. Helping them feel comfortable with their own strengths and pace is really important.
⭐ “The Twins”
While they are twins, and that is special, they are still two individuals.
Pairing them in a set labelled “the twins” when talking with and about them can make them adopt it as their primary sense of identity. Whenever possible, try to say their individual names when talking with and about them.
It has a strong impact on their self-perception and process of individuation.
⭐ “X is the ___ one, and Y is the ___ one”
Twins’ differences are telltale signs of their distinct personalities. While our human brain is prone to labelling and comparing, using observational statements (such as “X is__”, “Y is __”, there is no comparison here) can help twins foster a healthy sense of self, and change how we see them.
This will help them learn that who they are isn’t dependent on someone else.
⭐ “Born together, friends forever”
It makes sense that we would like twins to be lifelong friends.
Yet it isn’t a given. Not all twins end up close.
In fact, pressuring twins to be close can backfire and drive them apart. Letting twins build their twinship on their own terms, and respecting how they want to “twin”, is the best thing we can do for them.
Twins come in endless forms and shapes. And while they are undeniably connected, they are two whole independent human beings. It is important that we communicate to them that we see each of them on their own merit, and that being twins isn’t all of who they are.
↪ You can find more resources and support for you and your twins via the link below:
https://twinfullife.com/home
Helping twins and parents thrive together is what Twinful Life is all about.
