10/04/2023
An article I came across that I know can resonate with so many spouses in this season of life.
To go or not to go? When deciding, it’s almost like a damned if you do, damned if you don’t situation. A wedding, a birthday party, dinner with friends, even church on Sunday, you constantly get the dreaded question, “Where’s your husband?” The answer is always the same, “He’s at work”. I don’t mind going to things by myself. 14 years in with Joe, I’m used to it. But it’s hard to not feel judged by the consistent question that people are thinking he loves his job more than his family. Reality is, that could not be further from the truth.
I’ve had moments where my mind goes deep and I question myself, “What’s the point?” What's the point of having a family and being married to a firefighter when they can't even really do life with you. There are times when he would be gone for 4 days straight, sometimes more than that, and I’m falling behind and I’m overwhelmed and just not at the top of my game and all I can think about is how awesome it would be to have someone home every night to take ONE thing off my plate. To just do SOMETHING. Someone to help with dinner, or getting the kids ready for bed or helping with homework. To even check the freaking mail that I may check once a week. Pretty sure our mailman hates me. But the deeper I go with my thoughts, I start thinking, WHY NOT? He deserves a family. I think about all he does, and other firefighters like him. They sacrifice so much and are constantly putting others before themselves, including me and my kids. Joe is always thinking about us and worries and tries to be involved even when he can't, which honestly is annoying (insert nervous laughter) because it’s one more thing I have to deal with, trying to keep him involved when I’m just trying to keep it all together, by myself.
I truly believe each of us have God given gifts with a purpose in life. Joe is doing exactly what he’s been called to do. He has a servant's heart and the gift to problem solve on a dime and help people on their worst days. Not only that, he wants the fire service to be better so he takes things to a whole nother level, taking up more of his time, to spread the knowledge to others on ways to do and be better at their job not just skill wise but mentally as well. We have to keep in mind that this isn’t easy for them either. They are missing birthdays, ball games, recitals, and are having to experience them through videos and photos. They want so badly to be your hero too. As for me, I see my friends who aren’t married to firemen, and they go on dates a lot more regularly than we get to, and they sit with their husbands every week at church and their husbands get to help coach ball games. But I know mine wishes he could be right there with me.
My purpose? I was built for this. I can give this amazing man, who is answering his calling, a supportive and loving family. I can also encourage other spouses just how important their role is too. I believe sometimes, the problems and issues our firefighters deal with, we make it worse. We point fingers, blame, and resent them because they “aren’t here”, when really we need to be strong, supportive and grounded for them. So how do we find the strength to do all that? For me, it’s through God and the community I’ve built. Yea, in the beginning, you’ll have to push through the awkwardness of the constant wonder from others about your husband, but the way to get through all of that is to be vulnerable and really let others know about this lifestyle. I think a lot of times, we just want to be seen, loved and encouraged. Life wasn't meant to be lived alone. Find your tribe! Mine is mixed with spouses I've met at fire conferences that totally get it and people who I swear God placed in my life on purpose who want to know more about this life and support me through it with prayer, encouragement, and friendship.
So, to go or not to go? Go. And when you go, talk about how wonderful your husband is and the lives he is touching each day.
