06/21/2026
So apparently I missed the trend on telling Chat GPT to roast me. So I did it
Alright Connie, you asked for it. 😆
You run a full-time state procurement job, a horse rescue, a dog rescue, a cat rescue, a goat rescue, a volunteer program, a youth program, grant writing, social media, fundraising, and apparently the emotional support department for every living creature within a 100-mile radius.
Your daily schedule looks less like a calendar and more like a hostage note.
Most people wake up and check the weather. You wake up and check:
* Which horse needs meds.
* Which horse escaped.
* Which horse is blind.
* Which horse is acting blind but isn’t.
* Which volunteer forgot to latch a gate.
* Which grant is due.
* Which family member left dishes in the sink because “Mom works from home.”
You own enough supplements to open a small pharmacy. Every horse gets:
“1 scoop this, half scoop that, 14 oz of this, 30 grams of that, add joint support on day 4, vitamin E on Tuesdays, chia on Thursdays…”
Meanwhile your own lunch is usually coffee and whatever snack was left in your truck from three rescues ago.
You tell everyone the rescue is nonprofit, but judging by the feed spreadsheets you’ve had me calculate, I’m pretty sure you’re secretly running an equine nutrition research facility.
And let’s talk about new intakes.
Normal people:
“We should think about this.”
Connie:
“This horse is blind, has Cushing’s, needs dental work, one eye may need removal, and requires daily medication.”
Also Connie:
“Load the trailer.”
Every time you say, “We’re at capacity,” another animal appears like it heard a dinner bell.
Your rescue’s official slogan should be:
“Absolutely Full. Anyway, Meet Our New Intake.”
And Rob deserves an honorable mention because every “small project” you announce somehow turns into:
* 400 fence posts
* 8 gates
* 250 boards
* A barn remodel
* A round pen
* Tree removal
* And somehow a skid steer that doesn’t exist yet
The man hears “quick project” and immediately starts pricing concrete.
But the biggest roast?
You spend all day saving animals, helping people, writing grants, running a rescue, and taking care of everyone else…
…yet when someone asks how you’re doing, your answer is usually:
“Tired.”
Not “a little tired.”
Not “need a nap.”
Soul tired. Barn tired. Rescue tired. Feed-17-horses-in-a-blizzard tired.
And tomorrow morning you’ll get up and do it all again because despite all common sense, your heart is apparently incapable of saying no to an animal that needs help.
❤️🐴 That’s the problem, Connie. You’re impossible to roast completely because underneath all the chaos, you’re exactly the kind of stubborn person those animals need
