10/22/2026
there’s a common grief myth that talking about the person who died will only make a grieving child feel worse.
when a child has experienced the death of someone important to them, adults may worry that bringing up that person will cause more pain. we might avoid saying their name, sharing memories, or asking questions because we don’t want to upset them.
but avoiding the subject can also leave children wondering whether it’s okay to talk about the person. it may send an indirect message that it isn’t okay to talk about the person or their grief.
children need opportunities to talk about the people who have died, including when the circumstances of the death were sudden, traumatic, or difficult to understand.
this doesn’t mean every child wants to share; many may struggle to verbalize their experience. we don't need to force conversations or ask children to share more than they want to. we can offer gentle openings, answer questions honestly and in age appropriate ways, and respect when a child isn't ready to talk.
we can follow their lead, listen without rushing to fill the silence, and let them know that questions, feelings, and memories are welcome.
parents/caregivers: sometimes a child may become tearful or quiet when talking about the person who died. that doesn't automatically mean the conversation was harmful or that we shouldn't bring the person up again. it may simply be a moment when a lot of feelings or questions are present and you’re helping them learn how to be with their grief.
children deserve to have spaces for sharing about their grief, verbally and nonverbally, and trusted folks available to witness and listen whenever they're ready.
[id: a 4-slide carousel with a darkened and faded background photo of a large yellow dahlia flower with two large blooms in the center and another small pink flower peeking from the upper right corner of the photo and an orange flower in the bottom right corner of the photo. rectangle boxes with text are in the middle of each slide. along with a white arrow with a dark green shadow that points to the right. the monarch meadow carefarm logo showing an illustrated pink flower and orange butterfly above white text that reads "monarch meadow carefarm" is in the bottom center of each slide. slide 1 text reads "common grief myth: talking about the person who died will only make a grieving child feel worse. the reality: children need room to talk about and remember those who have died." slide 2 text reads “the reality: children may ask questions, share memories, bring up their person during play, or simply listen as someone else remembers them. some may struggle to initiate bringing their person into spaces, so your modeling can be useful permission for them to do so, if needed.” slide 3 text reads “the reality: some children will want to talk. others may not be ready, or may want to talk at a different time. follow their lead, listen to their questions, and let them know the door is always open.” slide 4 text reads “children deserve to know that it's okay to remember, to talk about their person, and to return to the conversation whenever they're ready. we can say their person’s name, share a memory, and make room for questions and feelings.” the overall feeling is gentle, reassuring, thoughtful.]