06/16/2026
I came into foster care believing reunification was the best outcome.
Not because someone forced me to believe it.
Because I genuinely did.
That’s what we’re taught.
That’s what the training says.
That’s what much of the research points to.
And honestly?
I still believe reunification can be beautiful.
When parents do the hard work.
When healing happens.
When children can safely return home.
I will celebrate that every single time.
But after years in foster care, after holding child after child through the fallout of adult choices, I’ve started asking harder questions.
Questions that might make people uncomfortable.
At what point do we stop asking what’s best for the parent and start asking what’s best for the child?
At what point does preserving a biological connection become more important than preserving a child’s stability?
How many years should a child wait for an adult to get it together?
How many birthdays?
How many Christmases?
How many court dates?
How long is a child supposed to live in limbo while the adults decide what comes next?
Because children don’t experience time the way we do.
Three years isn’t just three years.
It’s half a childhood.
It’s attachment.
It’s belonging.
It’s the family that showed up every day.
And before someone says it, yes, I know biology matters.
I know roots matter.
I know family connections matter.
But safety matters too.
Stability matters too.
The ability to wake up every morning knowing where you’ll sleep next month matters too.
I think we’ve created a system that is often willing to risk a child’s future in order to preserve an adult’s opportunity.
And I don’t think that’s a conversation we’re having honestly enough.
The goal should never be reunification at all costs.
The goal should be the best interest of the child.
Every time.
Even when the answer is hard.
Even when it breaks our hearts.
Even when it challenges everything we thought we believed.
Because foster care was never supposed to be about protecting biology.
It was supposed to be about protecting children.
