Su***de Prevention And Depression Education Society - Was started in the name of my son, Christopher Kuhl, who took his own life July 21, 2012 when he gave into his depression. Chris called off his wedding about a week before because he realized the things his wife-to-be wanted and what was really important to him were not the same, so he believed that it was going to be easier to call it off now
then after they were married. However with that came some major drama from the bride-to-be’s family that made him a total mess. It wasn't easy for him to call off the wedding, just as it wasn't easy for the bride, but that drama continued. Chris was my best friend and he meant everything to me but when he came to me about a month later to tell me that he was battling thoughts of su***de I panicked just like any parent would. I wanted to call and get him help but he begged me not to because if I did he would lose his dream of becoming a police officer, also not to mention he would lose his job and upcoming deployment with the Military as a Human Intel Collector. Knowing how hard he worked on getting to the place he was in his life, I knew that if I did call for help it would be an even bigger disappointment because he wouldn't be able to do anything he loved. Chris was so excited that he was finally getting deployed but was not so happy with how his unit treated his deployment. See Chris was being attached to another unit for his deployment so not everyone was leaving. They acted as if he was just leaving from another weekend and not that he would be gone for about a year. We continued to talk more and when he went home he had me feeling comfortable enough that he was not at the point to hurt himself. Then the next day while I was at work I was getting text from him about how bad his anxiety attaches were hitting him. I worked him through them and then he got better as the day went on. Then received a text from him stating he was going to dinner with a few of the solders in his unit so they could say good bye and good luck on his upcoming deployment. Because it broke his heart how the rest of the unit treated him and the others being deployed, he really wanted to go out. He went even when I suggested to him that he should probably stay home because he hadn’t been sleeping very well and all the anxiety attaches he had just took every last bit of energy out of him. Later that evening I was out with some friends and I received text messages from him telling me how things were going. He was nervous because one of the people he was going to dinner with was a girl that he really liked and he wasn't sure were their relationship was headed. That night had its ups and downs but ended on a down, he also had some alcoholic drinks and we all know that is not a good combination. After I dropped off my girlfriends I headed to his house and was talking to him on the phone. He begged me to not come out there and I thought he was doing okay so I turned around to come home but once I told him, “I know this isn't about me but I’m going to be selfish here. I’m not ready to loose you.” he started to ball. I turned my vehicle back around again and started heading back to his house. Again Chris begged me not to come but this time he stated that it was almost 2 in the morning and he had to get up at 6 for work. Chris told me that he was already in bed and that he would call me when he woke up in the morning. For the first time in my life I listened to him and not my gut feeling, I turned around and was heading home when I received one last text at 1:42 AM I that said…..”I love you. I’m sorry” I sent a text back “What are you sorry about?” He didn't answer, I started to panic and I kept calling him but he didn't answer so I sent another text “Please text me or call me letting me know you are okay” but I still didn't get an answer. Once I arrived home I grabbed his best friend/roommate’s phone number who was at work as a Kenosha County Deputy and he told me to call the Burlington police. I told him that Chris would never forgive me if the police showed up and his friend said wouldn't you rather have him alive and mad at you then the alternative. We hung up the phone and he called the police for me and at that moment I knew that he had done it, I dropped to my knees and just cried uncontrollably. From that point on my life changed forever…I lost my love, my heart, my son, my everything. It wasn't until September when I took his little sister to the doctor for her checkup did I realize that we both had grown up with depression. In her doctor’s office there was a pamphlet about childhood depression and teen su***de. When I read it I thought they wrote it about Chris and I. I didn't realize that we both grew up with it and it wasn't diagnosed. When he went through the issues he went through, I thought they were normal kids’ stuff because I felt and had the same things happen…but little did I know that we both have this horrible disease. Something that people don’t talk about because everyone thinks it is just an emotion not a disease. It hurts me every time I tell my story but I will tell it over and over and over again if someone gets something out of it and a su***de is prevented. There is help! And this is why I am proud to start SPADES in memory of my Love, my Life, my Heart, my Friend, my Son, Sargent Christopher A Kuhl. You will live forever in me.
