07/27/2023
As I turn toward that next CT-SCAN in August for cancer to see if the radiation did some good, since I lost 3 teeth from it, man: I only found out that Cynthia Heimel had died in 2018 yesterday. I met her—she just came over to our house on French Place in Austin in like 1989 and was gooey-oozy over Butch Hancock. And at that time she was drinking a lot. She was the women’s section writer for PL***OY then. She created that spot. She was hyper-heterosexual, snarky, kind, hilarious and of course I liked her because she drank some breakfast. I knew that I was an alcoholic by then. “Sneaky drinks” loves somebody with whom you can brawl out a drunk.
Sober 30 years now, I’m that person who can go like a camel without, and then NEED to listen to someone’s laugh or cry, joke cracked, so I look em up in my contacts or online to find out if they’re back in NYC, Hollywood, Bay Area—the only places worth living, according to Cynthia; but Heimel, loving Portland, insisted that we all move to Portland so “we” could have a “pretty place” too.
This was back in 1991 or 1993–I read one of Heimel’s books along side THE BASIC TEXT of one 12-step program, GET YOUR TONGUE OUT OF MY MOUTH, I’M KISSING YOU GOODBYE. That was kinda like the 3rd Step to me. I had “sipped” my way through her 1991 IF YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT ME, WHY AREN’T YOU DEAD YET?
Simply put, Sinéad O’Connor had died and I needed to speak with Cynthia Heimel. I needed the honest rankitude of my Jewish Het girl tribe. I’m ultra-Jewish-positive. Israel can bite me but I adore my and am blessed by my Jewish friends, fellow composers, artists. Kathy would have worked, but she died in 2015. Kathy’s spirit and Kelly Bell are kicking my ass to get out of here. I’m in complete agreement. I’m not loved here. Because this quote from the late Cynthia Heimel: “No human (or dog) is an island, we need each other desperately, we need to be needed desperately.”
After the Sinéad news, I texted with my boy-girl-manchild, musician yesterday. His energy is so feminine and pi**ed off, “man-style blow-up” like I understand. And he’s crazy like I am. I’m glad he’s in his tribe. I envy him that. “No human (or dog) is an island, we need each other desperately, we need to be needed desperately.”
