Family Camp NY

11/02/2024

This made me think. I can see that it is part of a long line of things that God has designed to free me to trust Him. This morning, I was part of a men’s group, and I “checked in” with appreciation for a really hard and challenging experience during a sleep study, Wednesday night. I ended up with 5 hours of the worst wakefulness / horrible sleep, and only 2 hours of real sleep where I surrendered to God. I didn’t need to connect with Him in my left brain, with my understanding, I just needed Him relationally.

But as I went to drive 45 minutes home, my phone selected a music playlist, and not the audiobook that I had listened to on the way there. I was led into worship immediately. It was wonderful, driving home in the dark on only 2 and a half hours of sleep.

This morning during “check-in” I realized that I was peaceful, secure, and confused. But I had no anxiety over the confusion. As men listened to Jesus on my behalf, I recognized that what I was interpreting as confusion was just an absence of my mind over-thinking, trying to understand. And as one of the men spoke he used “lean on your own understanding” and “confidence” really close together, and I was hit by the contrast. “Lean on your own understanding” is a solitary action. “Confidence” comes from the Latin roots con/com meaning “together” and fides “faith” which is a together activity and not isolated. And even “faith” is antithetical to “own understanding” in some ways (both because Jesus is the author and finisher of our faith(Heb 12:2), but also according to Heb 11:1 “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”.) My own understanding is very much based in observation (seeing) and experience.

So, I am disoriented in a very good way. Jesus has coaxed me into surrendering to trust Him, and to let go of leaning on my own understanding. I am walking without the support of a crutch. Relationship with Jesus has strengthened my weak knees and ankles.

This post goes along with that. Today is another day closer to seeing Him face to face. Another day for Him to finish more of the good work that He is doing in my life.

06/16/2023

This is an important one. It is about Father's Day, and about being a Dad, or filling the role of a dad. It is also from a Christian perspective, and from a favorite, transparent author, Ann Voskamp.

Dear Dad — You and I both know how Dads can get a bad wrap but I want you to know that I won’t ever forget when I was hurting real bad and you didn’t need to find words because your arms found me and wrapped me in the longest hug and your presence was the gift of healing I needed. "The impe

04/17/2023

I don't know about you, but when God is touching things in me, the first thing that I want to do is share.

One of the things that they say about the loss of a spouse is that a huge loss is the loss of someone to share with. I can say that is true for me. And, although that special, even natural way of sharing is no longer available, I value sharing in the ways that are available even more.

And I should make a side comment about the "natural" way of sharing. My ex and I were at a lot of the same concerts and games, and shared the joys of that with our son. We even did celebratory group hugs sometimes. But the naturalness of the celebration, was incomplete, not completely united. After dismissing the obvious, I began to wonder if the "naturalness" was tied to a mysterious oneness, unity, unitedness. I forget the statistic about how often men think about s*x, but I have to say that for a lot of years, I would have put s*x as a dominating component of "become one flesh". First from desiring it, then from having it (and yet not having it), and then from missing it. But as age has changed the desire for s*x, not lowered per se, but changed, in a running into real life, and priorities. It has opened me up to wondering about being one flesh has a benefit in sharing and celebrating. In fact, that may be the primary blessing of being one flesh.

But, back to what I was going to share. God has taken me through a dark time. A time where I questioned if I wanted to believe in God and His goodness. I was angry with Him. I was hurting, and felt unseen. I had asked both "Why me?" and "How long?" over weeks, months, and years. That feeling unseen, and my prayers unheard was such a big part. And it ties into being seen, heard, sharing, hoping, and being one (even one flesh).

So, in my regular account, after a particular moment that could be summarized as "Please God hold onto me, because my strength to hold onto You is gone", God reached me. It was after I had turned to people who I respect and admire, who in many ways have gone before me through the fires with Jesus, THRIVEtoday, Sue Birdseye, and most recently LivingHope . Sue Birdseye encouraged me in being real, vulnerable, and questioning. THRIVEtoday answered my questions as best that they could regarding what it looks like day to day to live out 2 Cor 4:7-12. And, if I have the right Living Hope (which I probably, don't as the profile picture and the number of followers don't match), they posted a reel that was a draumatic song medley of "Awesome God" and "God Only Knows" (the King and Country one). It was in that medley, it was the lone voice that began the "Our God is an Awesome God", it was the young man who didn't seem to join in, who started a different song, vulnerably to speak out the times that "nobody, nobody, nobody sees you" "nobody, nobody, nobody believes you", and "God only knows what you have been through", "God only knows what they say about you". And again, I heard not soft echoes of the loss of a spouse experience. I was deeply ministered to by that medley. It brought tears to my eyes. God followed it by a listening prayer time (Immanuel Approach) facilitated by a friend.

And today, He dropped more pieces into place with a guest blog by KJ Ramsey on Ann Voskamp blog. It deals with the hope of healing, and contrasts it with the hope of a cure. God validates the hope that I had clung to even in asking Him to hang on to me, even before I knew that He saw me.

K.J. Ramsey knows what it’s like to ask for healing and just keep hurting. She lives with seven diseases and the scars of spiritual abuse and used to believe her body was a barrier to freedom and joy. But when healing didn’t happen in the way she begged for, she started to encounter the broken b...

04/16/2023

This post happens to be the icing on the cake for me today. It comes after a time of real spiritual struggle, where is seemed like prayers had been unanswered for too long. A time where it seemed that all of my blessings had worn out from counting. I have no idea how many layers the cake has and if this is just icing between layers, but God topped of communicating that He sees me, He feels my hurt and my lack, and my desperation. And desperation was the connecting point to this excerpt from the book "Captivating" by Stasi Eldredge. I will give you a taste, and then the link to the whole article.

"When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. “It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]” (Genesis 2:18 Alter). Hebrew scholar Robert Alter, who has spent years translating the book of Genesis, says that this phrase is “notoriously difficult to translate.” The various attempts we have in English are “helper” or “companion” or the notorious “help meet.” Why are these translations so incredibly wimpy, boring, flat ... disappointing? What is a help meet, anyway? What little girl dances through the house singing, “One day I shall be a help meet”? Companion? A dog can be a companion. Helper? Sounds like Hamburger Helper. Alter is getting close when he translates it “sustainer beside him.”

The word ezer is used only twenty other places in the entire Old Testament. And in every other instance the person being described is God himself, when you need him to come through for you desperately.

There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides on the heavens to help you ... Blessed are you, O Israel! Who is like you, a people saved by the LORD? He is your shield and helper and your glorious sword. (Deuteronomy 33:26, 29, emphasis added)

I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Psalm 121:1–2, emphasis added)

May the LORD answer you when you are in distress; may the name of the God of Jacob protect you. May he send you help. (Psalm 20:1–2, emphasis added)

When God creates Eve, he calls her an ezer kenegdo. “It is not good for the man to be alone, I shall make him [an ezer kenegdo]” (Genesis 2:18 Alter).

04/11/2023

Once again, Sue Birdseye does a fabulous job at capturing some of the struggles that Single parents experience that often fly below the radar of the rest of society. And she speaks to how her relationship with Jesus makes a difference, even when circumstances don't seem to change.

There is a stump where a big beautiful oak tree used to stand tall over the river. We called it “Grandpa’s Tree” because my dad used to like to sit under it and quietly look out a…

04/02/2023

Just to say more about how I admire Sue Birdseye, and how honesty and vulnerability show her trust in God, I thought that I would pass on this older post. Maybe it was because I feel a little toddlerish today ;-)

It’s official. I’m 5 years old. I’m fussy. I’d like to stomp my feet. I could plop down on my bum and cry. And I definitely don’t feel like sharing. I feel like I’ve shared quite enough already.…

04/02/2023

Sue Birdseye is a courageous single mom. You should get to know her, be inspired by her. Single parenting is a very vulnerable place. But I don’t have to tell you that. What Sue does is go beyond that. She chooses to be vulnerable, because she knows Jesus in the vulnerability and she has fellowship with Him in His sufferings … in this article she speaks of the mercy of being seen, and the pain of not being seen. Jesus understands both sides. And she know to turn to Him for just that reason. She trusts Him.

A few weeks ago I felt convicted that I needed to share more – write more. And I knew that to some degree it would be a humbling experience because my life is messy, crisis-prone, exhausting,…

03/16/2023

Ann Voskamp has a post that is a Lenten post, but so much more than a Lenten post. It may be Lenten in the time of her life that God intervened and touched her heart, or when He sent her forth with His words, in her lens, to touch beautiful hearts like yours and mine. It is called - Give Up All Kinds of Shaming for Lent: Why Shame Anyone in Pain?

It contains the following advice. '... there was that one guy who was born blind, and that was the first big, begging question, right out of the gate was: “Who got it wrong, this guy or his parents?”

Who got it wrong, who tripped and messed things up, who fell hard and took out whole bunch of people on the way down?

What did someone do to cause this suffering, why did this go down the way it went down, that took everybody down?

When conversations lead with shame — real people end up limping lame.'

If you are limping from judgment or shame, either someone else's or yours, you might find encouragement at:

Lent can ache with loneliness that ends up feeling like a kind of wilderness. "Lent can ache with loneliness that ends up feeling like a kind of wilderness." The Farmer and I, after a long season of prayer and late night discussions, finally found ourselves on the cusp of taking steps forwar

02/17/2023

Jesus sometimes touches me through songs that never use His name. But I believe that Jesus is The Way, The Truth, and The Life (John 14:6), so this song has a similar theme to "Relate" by For King and Country.
Bleed Red by Ronnie Dunn

Ronnie Dunn's official music video for 'Bleed Red'. Click to listen to Ronnie Dunn on Spotify: http://smarturl.it/RODSpot?IQid=RDBRAs featured on Ronnie Dunn...

02/17/2023

OK, maybe this deserves a playlist. I don't share a lot of my story, until we are together somehow (brain scientists say, left eye to left eye). But, I can say that sometimes, some of the hurtful things in relationships, can almost escape notice. No. That isn't quite right. I noticed them. I felt the pain. But, later, I, discounted them. They were put downs. Just the simple statement "You will never understand" or "You will never understand me." There is truth in that statement. But, it hits something in me. John Eldredge calls them "agreements", where I agree with the father of lies. It hits that I am stupid. That I suck at kindness, compassion, and empathy. That I am not enough.

You know, I never thought that I would end up with "I am not enough". Being too much, and not enough are things that I know cause a lot of pain in women. Francesca Battistelli even sings of that pain in her song "Let The Light In"

I guess the expression "Hurt people, hurt people" has some truth here. In my generation, men were criticized for not understanding and appreciating women. My ex-wife was part of that generation too. It wasn't until later, that I understood that though men and women are different, we do share some common pain points. "I am not enough" is one.

What makes it hurt so much, again, is that it contains some truth. We can never meet the needs in each other that God has chosen to meet Himself. But the lie is that we have to die trying. Or maybe just that we can rest, and be content in not being enough in those ways (but be warned, it takes two, committed to love, receiving love from God - 1 John 4:19 - to be able to rest in the sure fact that God will complete the love.) We will have enough.

Relate by For King and Country.

Click here to stream/download "RELATE": https://forkingandcountry.lnk.to/relateWHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?: https://forkingandcountry.lnk.to/whatarewewaitingfor...

02/17/2023

This is another one that makes me think about neighbors. This was written at the peak of fear at the beginning of the covid-19 pandemic. There are other peaks of fear in our lives. I haven't figured out (it may be more of a right brain thing again). But there is a relationship between courage, community, and the love of God which drives out fear. Enjoy!

Filmed in quarantine in our homes during the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020. ‘TOGETHER’ with Kirk Franklin + Tori Kelly. So grateful to all 2000 of you who lent u...

02/17/2023

I haven't gone into a lot of attachment, as I am only learning about secure attachment. And the way that secure attachment with God will affect my life. But, there is also attachment to others. I ended up with insecure attachment growing up. And for most of my life, I have been fearful. Trying desperately to connect, and to protect myself. It hasn't worked. It didn't work in my marriage. But, God has put me in some somewhat stable groups, and has brought a number of people through those groups. And He has been doing a work. What is being described (by Life Model Works, Deeper Walk, ThriveToday, Alive & Well and other ministries is living from the heart, and trusting God. - There is actually a book by founder of Life Model Works, Dr. Jim Wilder called Living from the Heart that Jesus Gave You). But, yesterday, I read two psalms, 89, and 98. Both start with singing to the Lord
"I will sing of the lovingkindness of the LORD forever;" (Ps 89:1)
"O sing to the LORD a new song, for He has done wonderful things," Ps 98:1
So, I asked about what brain science has to say about singing. I know that it tempers or bypasses the left brain and connects more with the right brain, which is related to the concept of "heart" (and the right brain has a pathway all the way to attachment, through the limbic system). A friend of mine, who is a musician, and has written worship songs, speaks of a wonderful communion that music that he participates in facilitates, or augments. Tonight, I heard a wonderful song called "Neighbor" by JJ Heller, the music video is great.

JJ Heller releases a new song on the first Friday of each month. Listen to them all here: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLHDtq-EIG_lcTfDJiH7vFPzXu1zT...