09/08/2024
This will be a long post reminiscent of the posts I wrote right after Rustys passing. So, fair warning.
Today began bad. For whatever reason, I couldn't get Rusty out of my mind. I held one of my infamous s**t storms of old. I just could NOT stop crying. After about 30 minutes, I reached out. I hadn't had a 30 minute s**t storm in a long while. Anyway, I texted my friend Sam Samantha Brown and asked if she was up. She was. I told her I was having morning and asked if I could come over. So, so much different from the isolation I usually had my s**t storms in right after my son passed.
She says "Of course, anytime."
Tried as I might I couldn't quit crying on the way to hers and Tim's house. She's a softy. She'll deny it but, I've seen the tears in her eyes when I'm sad. I didn't want to bring that energy to them so, I sucked it up, got out of my car and entered the house. Sam and Tim both gave me a hug and then Sam proceeds to get us ready for an adventure. With a huge smile on her face she hands me some old tennis shoes and says "We're going rock finding!" See, we all realized that this was an activity we all liked to do some time ago but, never made it a priority. But, Sam knew it was just the thing to do today. We headed out to a creek bed at one of our local parks and after a brisk walk on a trail we reached the creek bed and began our search, each of us in our own little world exploring and gathering. After a bit, I noticed that Tim and Sam were way ahead of me and thought to myself that I probably should get caught up with them. But first, a moment for myself. I asked Rusty Plaskett to send me a sign that he was with me today. I needed to know he was near for comfort. It would soothe the savage beast in me if he could just send me a sign. I then thought "ya know. Something I can't miss. Something purple (his favorite color) or something that resembled the letter R". As I continued to walk I kept my eyes open looking down at the rocks for a sign. Attempting to get caught up with Tim and Sam I mumbled " you know I'm open. I'm open to any sign that you send me. Just be sure it's something I can not miss and I in turn began looking up and around. Not only at the rocks, but the water, the trees, the sky.
Nothing.
Once I caught up with Sam and Tim, we began comparing rock's we'd each gathered when out of the corner of my eye I see a speck of purple. Looking closer, I see that it's a little sea shell. Moving a rock, I pick it up and sure enough, it's a black and white seashell with a bit of purple in it. I giggle as I show Sam telling her that I asked for a sign. Something out of the ordinary. Something that I would notice. We both agreed that it was the sign I was looking for when all of a sudden I looked down and there's another one. And another one. And even more. Right here in the middle of these rocks I'm finding seashells with purple coursing through them. This is something genuinely out of the ordinary. Seashells at a city park stream with purple in them........
Anyway, just as we were headed to a path that would take us back to the trail, Tim found a lone purple flower on a small vine at the floor of the path. You know, just in case I missed the damn seashells. I take one last look down and can't believe my eyes. There in those rocks I found a piece of genuine MOTHER of pearl. I s**t you not. A piece of a mother of pearl shell right at my feet. Nine times out of ten, he called me "Mother" . If he didn't get my attention with Mother, he'd call me Angela. Anyway, first the seashells, then the flower, then the mother of pearl. I got the message and I was comforted. As we got through the path through the woods and back on the trail that would take us back to where we started, I had to readjust my load. I was carrying about 10-15 pounds of rocks, mind you, when I asked Sam to hold my cup so I could do my readjusting. She grabbed it, looked at it and began giggling as there was one teeny tiny shell (with purple in it) sitting on top of my cup. He was there with me.
It was a beautiful afternoon. Not too hot. The sun was shining. The brisk walk to the creek. The water. The shells. The friendship. It was all that was needed. As I climbed into Sam's car I thanked her. Those 2 people dropped everything at a moments notice to take a friend who is still grieving her son out for an afternoon hike that soothed her soul like nothing else. It was just what I needed. I am at peace again.
(I know that the purple coloring is quite faint in some of the pictures of the shells but, it's there by golly, and that's all that matters to me.)
