08/20/2017
So many struggle with the "what ifs", "maybes" and "why didn't I see it?". The truth is for many of us, we didn't know what to look for - we didn't know the signs or the risk factors, or we would have done everything in our power to help those we loved and lost. We can never truly know what is going on in someone else's mind, they must share that with us if we are to know. Unfortunately, for far too many experiencing suicidal ideation, they often don't know what's going on, they're confused, or ashamed, or feeling as though they should be able to figure this out on their own. Their own knowledge of mental health can impair their ability to reach out for help and the stigma from themselves and society, hold back even more from openly sharing.
Even for those of us who did know the signs, it simply is not always possible to prevent a su***de. We must always encourage those struggling to reach out for help and to share with us what is going on for them, to let them know we are there for them and imperative that we are when we make that promise. They must allow us to help them get that help and advocate for them, but they must also ultimately be open to receiving that help, participating fully and learn their own reasons to live. We can't do that for anyone but ourselves. We can guide them, love and support them and be there for them, but they too must be an active participant. That sadly is not always the case and because su***de is so very complex and unique, each person experiences it differently, in spite of having some similarities.
Instead of beating yourself up and blaming yourself, which is what most of those comments are actually doing - realize you couldn't know what you didn't know, and accept that for many, those lessons came only after having someone you cared about, die by su***de. Then we learn and this is unfortunately what so many experience. This is hindsight.
Be kind and acknowledge you didn't know, but now that you do - you can do better. Put your energy into accepting you didn't know and finding out all you can about mental illness, the life events that often contributed and overwhelmed to the point that su***de seemed the only way to end the pain. When you focus on becoming well informed, getting correct information, it allows you to potentially help another who is struggling, sometimes yourself and others, to better understand how it all combined and contributed to your loss. Don't waste a precious drop of your very limited energy blaming yourself, it serves no good purpose, but is very draining and damaging to you. It also stops all possibility of being able to begin to heal and recover.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself ~ Barb
www.Su***deShatters.com
So many struggle with the "what ifs", "maybes" and "why didn't I see it?". The truth is for many of us, we didn't know what to look for - we didn't know the signs or the risk factors, or we would have done everything in our power to help those we loved and lost. We can never truly know what is going on in someone else's mind, they must share that with us if we are to know. Unfortunately, for far too many experiencing suicidal ideation, they often don't know what's going on, they're confused, or ashamed, or feeling as though they should be able to figure this out on their own. Their own knowledge of mental health can impair their ability to reach out for help and the stigma from themselves and society, hold back even more from openly sharing.
Even for those of us who did know the signs, it simply is not always possible to prevent a su***de. We must always encourage those struggling to reach out for help and to share with us what is going on for them, to let them know we are there for them and imperative that we are when we make that promise. They must allow us to help them get that help and advocate for them, but they must also ultimately be open to receiving that help, participating fully and learn their own reasons to live. We can't do that for anyone but ourselves. We can guide them, love and support them and be there for them, but they too must be an active participant. That sadly is not always the case and because su***de is so very complex and unique, each person experiences it differently, in spite of having some similarities.
Instead of beating yourself up and blaming yourself, which is what most of those comments are actually doing - realize you couldn't know what you didn't know, and accept that for many, those lessons came only after having someone you cared about, die by su***de. Then we learn and this is unfortunately what so many experience. This is hindsight.
Be kind and acknowledge you didn't know, but now that you do - you can do better. Put your energy into accepting you didn't know and finding out all you can about mental illness, the life events that often contributed and overwhelmed to the point that su***de seemed the only way to end the pain. When you focus on becoming well informed, getting correct information, it allows you to potentially help another who is struggling, sometimes yourself and others, to better understand how it all combined and contributed to your loss. Don't waste a precious drop of your very limited energy blaming yourself, it serves no good purpose, but is very draining and damaging to you. It also stops all possibility of being able to begin to heal and recover.
Be kind and compassionate to yourself ~ Barb
www.Su***deShatters.com
Here's an informative link that gives both the Warning Signs and the Risk Factors for Su***de: https://su***depreventionlifeline.org/how-we-can-all-prevent-su***de/
