05/05/2026
One of the things that fuled my addiction was the guilt and shame of not being a present mom.
It seems simple right? “Just stop drinking and using and be there for your kids, Melissa”. But it wasn’t that simple. I was in full blown addiction and I had practically lost everything, including my will to live.
My many attempts to “make it right” and my relapsing each time I tried, created more baggage with each failed attempt. More hurt, more disappointment, more guilt, more shame. This led to more running and hiding and using to try and mask the feelings from the pain I caused to everyone I loved, especially my children.
In active addiction, I wasn’t to be trusted. Not with my own children much less other people’s children. I was a threat, making dangerous choices, stuck in a cycle that I thought I could never break.
But there was hope…
By the grace of God, my rock bottom led me to a decision to try one last time. And on 11/21/13, I started taking the first steps to a new way of life. It was a long, slow climb out of a hole that I had dug for 20+ years. It wasn’t easy, some days it still isn’t but my truth is simple, it was worth it.
Today my life is filled with abundance. Two of the most profound and beautiful things in my recovery are my growing relationship with my higher power, whom I call God and my growing relationships with my children.
“Now glory be to God who by His mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes" Ephesians 3:20
Through recovery, God restored my relationships with my children but that’s not all He did. He has granted me relationships with my children’s friends. They call me Momma M. They stop by my home even when my children are not home and spend time with me. Sometimes they need things, encouragement, advice, food, a hug. Sometimes they just want to catch up and share what is going on in their lives. It’s a beautiful gift recovery has brought me. To have the chance to be a present mom and make an impact on our future generation. The girl in this picture is one of my bonus daughters. She is one of my daughter’s friends and has become a part of our family. It’s a blessing to have Morgan in our lives. A blessing brought through recovery.
We can not undo the hurts we caused in active addiction. But we can work each day to make better choices for ourselves and others. Things do not happen overnight. Healing takes time. We are not in control of that timeline. What we are in control of is making the conscious effort to not use, one day at a time. And within each one of those days, do the next right thing not only for ourselves but for the world around us.
Whether you are contemplating recovery, you have tried and relapsed, you have one day or one thousand… Keep going. There IS hope! We DO recover.
You are not alone, I love you. 💜
