05/05/2026
Fear of Boredom, Fear of Overwhelm
As I prepared for the new project at Madisonville Library, I worried in two directions. First, I worried that no-one would come and I would just be sitting there, like laundry hung out to dry. Second, being a world-class worrier, I also worried that so many people would show up that it would be chaotic and all the lemonade would run out.
What I know from experience is that someone will come, if only because they smell the popcorn. And that one person will be just the person I wanted to talk to. The union electrician who was an English major. The two siblings who have shown up 3 times now, this time with their mother, who stayed while her two children got trained on the clean-up regimen (that we’re figuring out as we go), and now are excited to show up at 10:00 for set-up next week.
I am better at slow and steady. I get nervous when the lemonade runs out. I worry that even though this is free and just given out of love, someone will complain that it is poorly run. Or on the other hand, what if someone comes and gets some lemonade and doesn’t even do any art? Have I failed? It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to get a good grade, of wanting positive feedback, of wanting that pat on the back.
Those are the moments to breathe, to remind yourself that either way, this is the work, to put one’s body into the arena, as Brene Brown would say. It is not to predetermine what will be a successful day.
I know this isn’t a performance, it’s a process. I’ve lived through boredom, and I’ve lived through overwhelm. I’ve shivered in the early morning before the sun came over to our side of the street, so I learned to dress for the cold. I’ve been sweaty and hot, so I learned how to dress for that too. I have stubbornly waited, and in the process chatted at length with the volunteer who showed up telling us that her stage name that day was Zelda. Her words to us later in an email pretty much says it all,
hi Ruth
today was nice- altho there was not a huge turnout our presence was noticed and accepted-
in the future I see this project growing
I can not go next week-can you share Jessica's contact info with me so i can tell her?
I am planning to go every week that I am able.
Thanks for being a visionary,
arrivederci per ora,
Zelda
ciao
M—-