10/18/2026
SEASONS OF SURRENDER
Following Jesus as Your Priorities and Relationships Change
Men’s Bible Study | 25 minutes, including discussion
Main Scripture — Proverbs 13:20, ESV:
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
Central truth: As God changes my heart, He changes what I allow to shape my life.
OPENING: WHAT SEASON ARE YOU LIVING IN?
4 minutes
Men, think about the different seasons of your life.
There was a season when being accepted by certain people felt like everything. You wanted their respect. You wanted a seat at their table. Maybe you wanted someone to tell you that you belonged.
There may have been a season when your whole identity was built around making money, getting attention, being feared, or proving that nobody could tell you what to do.
Then Jesus began changing you.
And suddenly, something that used to feel normal started troubling your conscience.
The conversation you used to enjoy started feeling different. The place you used to go started pulling you toward something you were trying to leave. The approval you used to chase started costing you peace—and sometimes obedience.
What happened?
God was changing your heart.
The biblical word is sanctification: God making you more like Jesus.
And as that happens, your relationships may have to change.
Some friendships will deepen because you are growing together. Some will need an honest conversation. Some will need boundaries. And some may require distance because the relationship keeps drawing you into sin.
But let’s establish something immediately: People do not lose their worth because your season changes.
We cannot use “I’m in a new season” to abandon our wives, neglect our children, reject correction, or avoid making things right.
The question we are asking today is this:
“What does faithfulness to Jesus require of me in the relationships I have right now?”
Proverbs 13:20 says that whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools suffers harm.
Notice the word walks. This is about ongoing companionship—the people whose voices you trust, whose approval you seek, and whose habits begin shaping yours.
You can care about a man without giving him authority to direct your life.
Opening question — :
“What is something you once considered important that has changed as you’ve grown in Christ?”
POINT 1: GROWTH CHANGES YOUR PRIORITIES
6 minutes, including discussion
Read Romans 12:2.
Paul teaches that we are transformed through the renewal of our minds so that we can discern God’s will.
When God renews your thinking, He changes how you evaluate your life.
You begin asking different questions.
You used to ask, “Will this make me look successful?”
Now you begin asking, “Is this faithful?”
You used to ask, “Will they accept me?”
Now you begin asking, “Am I compromising to keep their approval?”
You used to ask, “What do I feel like doing?”
Now you begin asking, “What has God entrusted to me?”
That is growth.
Think about becoming a husband or a father. A man cannot keep organizing his life as though nobody depends on him. His responsibilities change, and his priorities must reflect that.
Following Jesus reaches even deeper. He changes the heart from which those decisions come.
A new season may require you to stop feeding an old appetite.
If you are trying to become sober, continuing to spend every Friday with the people who pressure you to drink may undermine your recovery.
If you are trying to become faithful in your marriage, you cannot keep entertaining conversations that normalize adultery.
If you are trying to become a peaceful man, you need to examine the voices that keep feeding your anger.
And men, examine your own influence too.
Are you helping your friends obey Jesus? Or are you the one making obedience harder?
Sometimes we spend so much time identifying who needs to change around us that we never ask what needs to change within us.
Here is the test:
After spending time with this person, am I more prepared to love my wife, tell the truth, take responsibility, and obey God—or am I more eager to excuse my sin?
That question requires honesty.
A man who challenges you may be helping you grow. A man who always agrees with you may be helping you stay stuck.
Do not confuse discomfort with harm. Sometimes the friend you most need is the one who refuses to celebrate what is destroying you.
Ask the men:
“What priority is God asking you to change in this season?”
Optional follow-up questions:
* “Which relationship strengthens that change, and which makes it harder?”
* “Have you dismissed someone who was actually giving you godly correction?”
Action for the week: Identify one habit, environment, or recurring conversation that feeds an old sinful pattern. Decide what you will change—and tell a trustworthy brother.
Transition: Once your priorities begin changing, the next question becomes: What kind of access should different people have to your life?
POINT 2: LOVE DOES NOT REQUIRE EQUAL ACCESS
6 minutes, including discussion
Read John 2:23–25.
John tells us that Jesus did not entrust Himself to everyone because He knew what was in people.
We do not have Jesus’ perfect knowledge of the human heart. This passage does, however, show us that love and discernment can exist together.
Jesus loved people without placing Himself under everybody’s influence.
Men, there is a difference between loving someone and trusting that person with your marriage, your sobriety, your finances, or your spiritual direction.
You can forgive someone and still recognize that trust needs to be rebuilt.
Forgiveness does not make a destructive pattern safe. Trust grows as a person demonstrates honesty and faithfulness over time.
You can wish someone well while changing the way you spend time together.
Maybe you can meet that friend for breakfast, but you cannot keep joining him for nights that end in drunkenness.
Maybe you can listen to someone’s struggle, but you need to stop participating when the conversation becomes gossip.
Maybe you need to say:
“Brother, I care about you. But when we get together, we keep returning to something I’m trying to surrender to God. I need us to do this differently.”
That is an honest conversation.
And whenever it is appropriate and safe, have that conversation. Do not expect people to understand a boundary you have never explained.
Also, stay humble. A boundary should identify what you can faithfully participate in. It should not become a tool for punishing people or controlling their choices.
You might say:
“I’m not going to lie for you.”
“I’m not discussing my wife that way.”
“I’m not lending money to support something that is harming you.”
“I’m willing to meet, but I’m not willing to be threatened or verbally abused.”
Those are concrete decisions.
And remember: you need people close enough to correct you. If your version of boundaries removes everyone who questions you, examine whether you are protecting obedience or protecting pride.
Ask the men:
“Where do you need to change someone’s access to your life while continuing to love that person?”
Optional follow-up questions:
* “What honest conversation have you been avoiding?”
* “Who have you given permission to challenge you?”
Action for the week: Write one clear boundary in a sentence. Identify what you will do, then communicate it calmly where appropriate.
Transition: Sometimes a conversation and a boundary allow a relationship to continue well. But sometimes a person keeps demanding that you choose between their approval and obedience to Christ.
POINT 3: OBEDIENCE SOMETIMES COSTS RELATIONSHIPS
6 minutes, including discussion
Read Matthew 10:37–39.
Jesus teaches that allegiance to Him must come before even our closest family relationships.
That is a serious claim.
He is not giving us permission to neglect our families. Elsewhere, Scripture commands husbands to love their wives and parents to care for their children.
He is establishing who has the final authority over our lives.
Nobody gets to require your disobedience as the price of your loyalty.
A friend cannot rightfully say, “If you really cared about me, you would lie for me.”
A family member cannot rightfully say, “If you loved us, you would abandon your faith.”
A business partner cannot rightfully say, “If you want to stay with us, you have to participate in dishonesty.”
There are moments when following Jesus costs you an invitation, a friendship, an opportunity, or someone’s approval.
And that can hurt deeply.
You may remember when that person stood beside you. You may share years of history. You may grieve the change.
Grief does not necessarily mean your decision was wrong. You can obey God with tears in your eyes.
But before declaring that a relationship must end, ask:
“What specific act of obedience requires this distance?”
Be able to answer that.
“He keeps pressuring me to return to drugs.”
“She insists that I hide this relationship from my wife.”
“They require me to participate in dishonest business.”
That is different from saying, “They irritate me,” or, “They questioned my plans.”
Sometimes the obedience God requires is staying long enough to apologize, repair damage, or learn patience.
Sometimes it is creating distance from a repeated pattern of temptation or harm.
The standard is Scripture, applied prayerfully with wise counsel.
And when you must step away, watch your heart. You do not have to humiliate someone to demonstrate that you are serious about Jesus.
You can leave without contempt. You can pray for their good. You can remain open to genuine repentance and appropriate restoration.
Then move toward godly community.
Second Timothy 2:22 tells Timothy both to flee youthful passions and to pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace with others who call on the Lord.
God calls us into fellowship. When you leave a destructive influence, seek men who will help you follow Christ.
Ask the men:
“Whose approval are you afraid of losing if you fully obey Jesus?”
Optional follow-up questions:
* “Is that fear causing you to compromise?”
* “Which godly man can support you as you take the next step?”
Action for the week: Name one specific step of obedience. Tell a trustworthy brother what you intend to do, and ask him to check on you.
CLOSING: WHO IS SHAPING YOUR WALK?
3 minutes
Men, return to our main verse:
“Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”
Your companions matter because your direction matters.
And as you move through different seasons, keep bringing your relationships before Jesus.
Ask Him:
“Lord, which relationships need more investment?”
“Where do I need to have an honest conversation?”
“Where do I need a boundary?”
“Where do I need to repent?”
“And where does obedience require me to step away?”
Your season may change. Your responsibilities may change. Some relationships may change.
Christ remains your Lord through every season.
So measure your growth by whether you are becoming more faithful, more truthful, more loving, and more willing to obey Him.
Give the men a moment of silence.
Final question — invite each man to answer in one sentence:
“What is one thing you believe God is calling you to do after this study?”
Then close with this:
“I can love you without following you. I can pray for you without returning to what God delivered me from. And if keeping your approval requires disobeying Jesus, I have to choose Jesus.”
Closing prayer
Father, search our hearts. Show us where we have valued people’s approval above Your Word.
Renew our minds and reorder our priorities. Give us courage to have honest conversations and wisdom to establish faithful boundaries.
Keep us humble. Help us receive correction, honor our responsibilities, and love people even when relationships change.
Where we need to reconcile, lead us toward reconciliation. Where we need distance, give us clarity and courage. Surround us with men who will help us follow Jesus—and make us those kinds of men for others.
Through every season, teach us to obey You.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
