08/28/2020
I see death but I do not judge.
Perhaps you have seen these images, how could you not? America’s homeless population on street corners, side streets, living in parks, parking lots, sleeping in cars, bus stations, abandon buildings, etc. after the George Floyd murder in May I took a break from the protests to focus on the homeless encampments in the parks. It has been a daily labor of love for me to go between all four of my chosen parks. For the most part the community has come out to assist the homeless by giving of themselves and items that have been requested.
Juggling the four parks in my spare time and also working full-time has been a challenge but I do it because the volunteerism bug has a hold on me which I can’t seem to shake. I know this because every other thought has been “how are the homeless?” and “how can I do better at meeting their needs.” Trust me, I know how to make miracles happen. I don’t often get a “No” I take it personally when I am on a mission and a business says “No” or an individual says “No” if I have to explain to whomever why the homeless population is America’s problem and not just an individual homeless issue then so be it.
Through basic understanding we know that homeless individuals are someone’s brother, sister, mother, father, aunt, uncle, etc. I value each encounter with the homeless. I know that we all have a story to tell but some of us in life have a more tragic story than others which is carried upon them as in their bags, boxes, or pushing shopping carts. The homeless can’t hide their state of being everything is exposed where their tragedy can be seen while living in physical environments which people see as they walk or drive by.
I am sadden that I feel everything that I and others do is worth it but only a band aide on their situation “when” will the city/county/state have a decision made as to how they will best help our homeless population so that the impact speaks volumes? I do not know. I keep telling myself that what we are doing in the community is definitely worth it because by the fall or winter the powers that be will have a solid plan in place. I really don’t know if this is true. I am hoping for the homeless that this comes to light. The homeless have been at this point for years in wanting a solid solution to their issue and yet they still wait.
What is currently on my mind is one of my four parks. In each of the parks there is a similarity of the same thing that happens when it comes to behavior. There are some less than others but whether one is living in a stable home environment or the parks issues will raise from within the human condition. There is one environment that I enter into and though I am not afraid I am saddened. There is a large police camera that sits right outside the encampment, there has even been a police car that sits and views what is happening from a distance but it is more for presence then immediate action. Once you walk into the environment if you do not wish to walk within a skid row kind of environment then this encampment is not one that you should enter. At this location I have never seen so many needles before in my life just laying around everywhere, some needles have blood in them, some have a dark substance in them, some have a clear substance and some are just empty.
I am sure it is the left over residue from whatever was being injected. There is rotted food laying around (I keep saying stop with the bread deliveries. Not many eat bread in the encampments, or the boxes of vegetables they go to waste). Which carries a slight smell. EVERYONE at this location are poster individuals for a drug treatment center. You can see the signs of what drugs can do to the human body. Drugs are not kind to the face or the teeth (m**h) not kind to the brain cells, not kind to the arms and legs (injection marks) which carry sores and other wounds that won’t heal. One guy was leaking from the side of his leg (from one of his open sores) and saying he was in pain. I turned to look and had to quickly look away for a second as my courage had left me at the sight of his wound. Living in dire straits has the tempers of individuals flaring up on a daily basis. I have witnessed abuse while serving food.
I have seen fights out in the open and have heard fights inside tents. I once came to drop off items and check in on everyone and this guy started yelling at this lady as he came out of their tent. She too came out and said, “What are you going to do beat me up again? Slap me?” before she could say anything else he punched her in the face it was loud. She started to cry and said, “I don‘t care anymore you don’t scare me” with that he grabbed her, threw her to the ground and just started punching her. One punch was followed by another and another. I said, “Hey stop!” I rushed over to them but he wasn’t hearing me. I turned to others who just stood watching and said, “Help me help her.” One woman said, “Just leave them, they go through this all the time.” The lady being punched was screaming loudly but no words were coming out. I looked up at the police camera which was right there and had a good visual of everything. I started waving my hands and pointing but nothing happened. The guy got off her on his own with no one else pulling him off and stood over her yelling, “See what you did? You made me do this, you made me do this, had you shut your mouth this wouldn’t have happened” then he walked away. She just lay there on the ground and everyone else just walked away like nothing had just happened.
I looked at her body and could see the signs of past physical abuse, I also saw the signs of how the drugs had taken over her body too. She was thin only wearing shorts and a tank top. Her body was covered with dirt and a little mud because of the rain from the night before. I ran to my car to grab some wet wipes and a bottle of water for her. When I returned she was not there. I was told she went back into her tent. I asked her if I could call the cops for her or an EMT and she said no. I got on my cell phone and wrote down some numbers and addresses so that she knew that she had options (victim services), I also had a weekly bus card in my car, and from my glove compartment there was a $20 bill. At the bottom of the note for services in the community I wrote “You Matter.” I set everything down by her tent door. I looked around I didn’t see him but I knew that he would eventually come back and she would likely let him back into her life and the tent.
Homelessness causes trauma with many layers that follow such as sexual abuse, substance abuse, physical abuse, mental health issues, loss/displacement/abandonment issues, hording issues, sicknesses, physical health, co-occurring disorders, etc. I recently was feeding individuals and I looked up in the food line. Two people away from me a lady just whipped out her needle and started shooting up. Nothing is hidden at this encampment everything is out in the open. I am thankful that they listen to me when I come with items. Before I could barely get out of my car before I was bombarded by eager minds. Everyone still thinks about themselves and no-one else. It is survival of the fittest. If I hand out one item per person I will constantly get haggled to give more as in “can I just have 2 or 3 of that item” and I will say, “No there are a lot of people in line” but it doesn’t matter. Even if I put up a sign and it is ignored people still will try and get more than what is offered to them.
There are two individuals who are pregnant one is due in two months the other has about 4 to go.
The one who is two months I took her to downtown Target and I let her load of the shopping cart. I didn’t know what she needed before hand but I told her to get what she needed and what she felt the encampment could use. She brought herself a couple outfits, some shoes, and food items and the encampment a bunch of personal hygiene products, soda’s, some food items, paper and pens, batteries, etc. I drove while she sat in the back seat both ways. I had her wear a mask and gloves she was compliant. I had all the windows down and we chatted. I let her know that I was happy for her pregnancy but saddened that her newborn did not have a safe place to come back to after birth. She said she was just living with her boyfriend who didn’t have a place to go and he brought them there. I said things were so unsanitary and unsafe that for a young money expecting her first child that I wished her and the baby well. She said she did not do drugs, she kept to herself, she only smoked ci******es, and drugs was not her life.
Her whole body truly had no needle marks on them, her teeth and face looked fine, her hair was a little messy but I had no reason to not believe her. She was wonderful to talk to. I even gave her money after I helped take things out of the car. About two weeks later I ran into her again at the encampment she looked wonderful still with her large belly she was smiling. She got food from the food line and disappeared. Before leaving I remembered that I had a few containers/bins that you can buy at Walmart for very cheap. She wanted some bins to put her items in for storage. I found her tent and with three bins I bent down (her flap tent was open) and said, “Hey surprise, I got you the bins that you wanted.” She quickly looked up at me and then looked down.
I instantly got angry, angry as in I wanted her dead. She had lied to me! She sat there while her boyfriend injected her in the foot or I should say her ankle. I said, “What are you doing?” her eyes were huge. I don’t think she knew what to say. He quickly snatched the flap and pulled it down. I left the bins and started to walk away but then I went back and snatched up the flap which he did not zip. I said to her, “you are selfish” to him I said, “and you are a baby killer”…before I could speak again she fell backwards onto her blowup mattress and just stared at the tent ceiling letting the effects of whatever he gave her set in. What was done was done and there was nothing that I could do about it. I just didn’t want to believe that she was a user. I wanted to believe that she cared about her baby more than the drug but it doesn’t always work that way and I know this.
While going around passing out drinks one hot day a lady ran up to me asking for a soda and I said, “sure” her hands were very dirty but she took the can while at the same time holding a needle which had a tiny bit of brown stuff in it. I quickly je**ed back and said, “Can you take the can with your other hand?” she said, “sure and apologized.” Just because it is their life and you see it and walk past avoiding the residue of it all walking around with needles at the ready is common also sharing needles at times at that location is common.
These individuals at this location just want to know “when can I get my next fix?” When I arrive I will encounter a lot of individuals who will be sitting in a meditative like state where they are nodding off which is frequent. When we come they will raise up, stagger to the table to get what has been placed there, or stand by our car to be the first to get things, or go get in the food line. The items that they take are for personal use or to trade up for som**hing else amongst themselves. After we are done they go back to using or nodding off. One thing I can say is EVERYONE is very polite with thank you! Bless you, you are a God send, you remembered us again, you are appreciated, etc.
Knowing that I am making a small difference to them makes my day and keeps me coming back but my temporary help until real help arrives is what worries me.
I don’t really believe that help is on its way for these individuals and that is what worries me. I see death in the encampments and I fear that death will arrive long before help comes but I do not judge because I know addiction is a sickness that grabs a hold of you and when you are deep into your addiction it is a battle that you are fighting every day of your life. Even after sobriety for those who make it the battle continues.
