Silently Out Loud

04/23/2024

Imagine if you can:

Being a four-year-old girl with bangs, who loves wearing plaid shirts, suspenders, and jeans.

And then being told that bangs, shirts, suspenders, and jeans are bad, and you will go to hell for wearing them.

And then getting your hair pulled tightly back into barrettes and pigtails, and having to wear dresses with no shape, and that were ugly and not any of the pretty, bright colors that you liked.

Because once again, red was a bad color and purple was the color of harlots and Jezebels and God didn’t like bright colors, so wearing those would make you a bad person, and bad people go to hell.

Imagine with me what that child would feel.
Desolate.
Discouraged.

And wondering why if those colors were so bad, then why did God make them?

My heart breaks for that little girl.
She needed to know that she was safe.
She needed to be heard.
She needed love.

Instead she was told she would go to hell if she didn’t wear the right color of clothes.

Somehow I think that my Jesus would have a problem with that.

And yet this was said and done all “in the name of God”.

That little girl was supposed to believe that the God she was being taught about would love her unconditionally.

And then they put conditions on His love for her.

Imagine that.
If you can.
©️Rebecca Martin
04/22/2024

04/16/2024

https://www.silentlyoutloud.com/post/of-adoption-and-abortion

This might make some people uncomfortable. It might make some others angry. It might even make some unfriend or unfollow me. I’m okay with that. I am an adopted child. And I’m tired of being the poster child for your anti-abortion propaganda. I was told (for the eleventh million time) very recen...

03/27/2024

Coming soon!
A mini series of true stories of abuse from within the Mennonite Churches.

Every story is true. Names of survivors (and some perpetrators) have been changed for privacy reasons. Certain details may be changed to protect the identities of survivors.

Each story will contain details of physical, emotional, mental, psychological, or religious abuse.

There will be no stories told that focus on sexual abuse, as I do not believe that this is the appropriate platform for that.

These stories have happened to babies. To toddlers. To children. To school children. To teens. To young adults. To married adults. To married couples.

Some individuals have contributed more than one story. I believe that each individual needs to be able to tell their story in the way that works best for them.

Until then.
This is me.
Silently, Out Loud

03/06/2024

Boom!💥

And over and over and over and over…

02/04/2024

Yesterday, in a courtroom, a young man stood trial.

Yesterday, in a courtroom, a young girl sat, the survivor of a crime too horrific to even describe.

In that courtroom, a defense attorney made light of the horrific crimes that were committed against her.

In that courtroom, he made light of the crime scene her body had become.

In that courtroom, sat a mom and a dad who listened as the horrors their daughter had lived through were reduced to nothing more than a story a young girl exaggerated to get out of a sexual encounter that she regretted.

In that courtroom, sat brothers who listened to their sister being talked about as if she had been a willing participant in a violent crime against herself.

In that courtroom, evil was set free to roam the world as a free man.

In that courtroom, girls learned that it doesn’t matter if they report the crimes done against them.

In that courtroom, parents learned that their little girls don’t deserve justice.

In that courtroom, brothers found out that even the legal system can’t protect their sisters.

In that courtroom, perpetrators discovered that they can do the most heinous crimes and get away with it.

In that courtroom, perpetrators found out that if they get the right attorney and the right jury, they’ll walk away.

In that courtroom, perpetrators learned that the legal system works for them, not their victims.

And in that courtroom, a little piece of humanity died.

And when that perpetrator commits another crime against another girl, she won’t come forward.

Because in that courtroom, another ray of hope died.

And when that survivor goes to bed every night, she won’t sleep as well as she should, because she knows she’s not as safe as she should be.

Because in that courtroom, they let evil walk away.

And every time those parents watch their daughter leave their house, they will hold their breath until she returns.

Because in that courtroom, the justice system failed.

And every time those brothers hear their sister cry, another piece of their hearts will die.

Because in that courtroom, too many didn’t think their sister mattered.

But to us?

She mattered.
She deserved justice.
She needed safety.
She needed to be believed.

But the attorney defended the actions of her abuser.
Then the jury said he was “Not Guilty”.
They said that she was a liar.
And, then, they let evil just take a walk.

And someday, the community will regret it.

~Rebecca Martin
02/03/2024
silentlyoutloud.com

11/16/2023

In the intricate weave of human relationships, there exists a dark thread often concealed from plain sight—the insidious realm of psychological abuse.

Shannon Thomas eloquently sheds light on a specific facet of this malevolence: the laser focus of abusers on a chosen target.

Within this vortex of manipulation, reason, logic, and facts stand powerless, mere spectators to the orchestrated chaos.

Thomas captures the essence of the abuser’s sinister artistry as they meticulously select a victim for their smear campaign.

The narrative unfolds as a twisted drama, where the abusers feed voraciously on the ensuing turmoil, their sustenance derived from the agony and confusion they sow.

It is within this drama that the true tragedy lies—the victim, left in the wake of a relentless storm, utterly misunderstood and scarred.

To comprehend the gravity of the experience, one must delve into the profound impact of psychological abuse on the human psyche.

Unlike physical wounds that manifest visibly, the scars of psychological abuse are concealed beneath a fragile veneer of normalcy.

The victim, grappling with the aftermath, finds themselves ensnared in a web of gross misunderstanding.

The abuser’s calculated assault on reason, logic, and facts leaves the victim adrift in a sea of confusion.

Gaslighting becomes the insidious tool through which the abuser distorts reality, eroding the victim’s perception of truth.

In this distorted reality, the victim becomes a puppet, manipulated by the strings of the abuser’s malevolence.

Yet, it is not only the mind that bears the brunt of such cruelty; the soul, too, is left traumatized.

The victim, once vibrant and full of life, can now appear a mere echo of their former self.

The psychological wounds, invisible to the naked eye, run deep, affecting every facet of the victim’s existence.

Relationships, self-esteem, and trust—all casualties of a battle waged in the shadows.

Shannon Thomas’s poignant revelation serves as a call to action.

To combat psychological abuse, we must first acknowledge its existence and insidious nature. It is imperative to foster a culture where victims are not only heard but believed.

Support networks must be fortified, providing a lifeline to those ensnared in the clutches of psychological torment.

As we confront the unsettling reality illuminated here by Shannon Thomas, we must unite against the silent epidemic of psychological abuse.

Only through understanding, empathy, and unwavering support can we hope to dismantle the destructive narratives woven by abusers, offering solace to those left grappling with the aftermath—a testament to the resilience of the human spirit in the face of profound darkness.

Resilience.
Unseen scars.
Hidden tolls revealed.
Rebecca Martin
11/15/2023

https://www.silentlyoutloud.com/post/the-unseen-scars-navigating-the-depths-of-psychological-abuse

10/23/2023

https://www.silentlyoutloud.com/post/the-silent-victims-understanding-the-impact-of-domestic-violence-on-children

10/05/2023

The Power of Self-Preservation: Walking Away from Abuse

In the complex tapestry of human relationships, one thread often remains hidden, camouflaged beneath the surface of affection and familiarity.

It is the thread of abuse, a dark and insidious force that can gradually weave its way into our lives, leaving us questioning our worth and well-being.

It is in this context that the simple yet profound advice emerges: "A little bit of advice. The first time you catch yourself asking, 'Am I being abused?' Walk away."

At first glance, this counsel may seem stark and uncompromising, yet it encapsulates a profound lesson in self-preservation and self-worth.

To understand its depth, we must unravel the layers of human psychology and the dynamics of abusive relationships.

Abuse, whether physical, emotional, or psychological, often begins subtly, like a whisper barely audible in the wind.

The victim may find themselves questioning their own feelings, doubting the validity of their concerns, or rationalizing the perpetrator's behavior.

It is at this critical juncture that the inner voice of self-doubt and confusion arises. "Am I being abused?" they ask themselves.

This question is a lifeline, a glimmer of self-awareness in the darkness of abuse.

It signifies the beginning of a journey, a journey towards self-discovery and self-love.

The moment one dares to ask this question, they take the first step towards reclaiming their power and autonomy.

Walking away from abuse is not an act of weakness; it is an act of immense strength and courage.

It requires recognizing that no one deserves to be mistreated, manipulated, or belittled.

It demands acknowledging that one's worth is not determined by the opinions or actions of others.

Walking away is an act of self-love, an affirmation that you deserve a life free from fear and pain.

Moreover, walking away from abuse is a powerful statement that you will not be complicit in your own suffering.

It sends a clear message to the abuser that their behavior will not be tolerated, and it sets a precedent for the kind of treatment you expect and demand in your life.

But walking away is not always easy.

It may involve severing ties with people we love, dismantling long-standing relationships, and facing the uncertainty of the unknown.

However, it is in these moments of vulnerability that we discover our true strength.

We learn that our resilience can carry us through the darkest of storms, and that we are capable of rebuilding our lives on foundations of self-respect and self-worth.

In the end, the advice to "walk away" serves as a beacon of hope and empowerment.

It reminds us that we have the agency to shape our own destinies and the right to live a life filled with love, respect, and dignity.

It underscores the importance of listening to our inner voice, trusting our instincts, and valuing ourselves above all else.

So, the next time you find yourself asking, "Am I being abused?" remember that it is the first step towards reclaiming your life.

Trust in your strength, your worth, and your ability to walk away from anything that diminishes your light.

In doing so, you will discover that the path to healing and happiness begins with the courageous stride of self-preservation.

Self-love.
Walk away.
Reclaim your life.
~Rebecca Martin
10/04/2023

https://www.silentlyoutloud.com/post/the-power-of-self-preservation-walking-away-from-abuse

Kalen Dion Kalen Dion Poetry

10/04/2023

Hand Gr***de

In shadows cast, a heart held tight,
Living with an abuser, a perilous plight.
It's like clutching a hand gr***de, you see,
A ticking time bomb, a threat to be free.

Each day's a pin you're afraid to release,
Walking on eggshells, your inner peace cease.
Their words and actions, like shrapnel, they fly,
A constant danger, you can't deny.

The weight of their anger, a heavy load,
Like a gr***de's burden on a perilous road.
Silenced and trapped, you bear the strain,
Invisible scars, the enduring pain.

But remember, my friend, there's strength within,
You can break free from this cycle of pain.
Reach out for help, let your voice be heard,
Escape from the gr***de, embrace a new world.

Rebecca Martin
10/04/2023
silentlyoutloud.com

10/04/2023

📱 Safety Tip: Domestic Violence Survivors 🚨

In emergencies, your safety matters most. Remember to turn off any hidden phones during the FEMA Emergency Alert Test today to protect your privacy and well-being. Your safety is our priority. 💪

10/04/2023

Domestic Violence: Understanding its Effects on the Brain and Seeking Help

I have said it before and I will say it again and again. Domestic violence is a pervasive issue affecting millions of people worldwide. It encompasses a range of abusive behaviors, such as physical, emotional, sexual, or financial abuse, inflicted by one partner upon another within an intimate relationship. Here I want to briefly explore what domestic violence is, its profound impact on the brain, and the crucial steps one can take to seek help.

Domestic violence, sometimes referred to as intimate partner violence (IPV), is a pattern of coercive behaviors employed by one person to gain power and control over their partner. It takes various forms, including physical violence, emotional abuse, economic manipulation, and sexual coercion. The effects of domestic violence extend far beyond physical harm, as it deeply scars the mental and emotional well-being of survivors.

Statistics:
- According to the World Health Organization (WHO), approximately 1 in 3 women globally has experienced physical or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence in their lifetime.
- Men can also be victims of domestic violence, with 1 in 4 men in the United States having experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, as reported by the National Domestic Violence Hotline.

Domestic violence has profound neurological and psychological effects on survivors, including:

1. Trauma: Repeated exposure to violence triggers severe emotional trauma, leading to conditions such as post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The brain's fear circuitry becomes hyperactive, making it difficult for survivors to feel safe.

2. Changes in Brain Structure: Studies using neuroimaging have shown that domestic violence can lead to alterations in brain structure. The hippocampus, responsible for memory and emotional regulation, can shrink in response to chronic stress.

3. Cognitive Impairment: Survivors may experience cognitive difficulties, such as problems with concentration and memory, due to the overwhelming stress and fear associated with domestic violence.

Statistics:
- The National Center for PTSD reports that individuals exposed to domestic violence are at a higher risk of developing PTSD, with women being twice as likely as men to experience this condition.

Reaching out for help is a critical step for survivors of domestic violence. Here's how:

1. Call a Helpline: Organizations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-SAFE) provide confidential support and resources to those in need.

2. Seek Legal Assistance: Consult an attorney or legal aid services to explore options for restraining orders, custody arrangements, and other legal protections.

3. Therapy and Counseling: Therapy, including individual and group therapy, can help survivors cope with the emotional and psychological aftermath of domestic violence.

Domestic violence is a widespread problem with devastating consequences for its victims. It not only inflicts physical harm but also leaves enduring scars on the brain and emotional well-being. Understanding the signs and seeking help are crucial steps towards breaking free from the cycle of abuse and beginning the journey towards healing and recovery. Remember, support is available, and no one should endure domestic violence in silence.

Silently.
Out loud.
Silent no more.
~Rebecca Martin
10/03/2023

10/01/2023

Breaking Stereotypes: Men as Victims of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that transcends gender, affecting both women and men.

It’s essential to recognize that men can be victims too, breaking free from the stereotypes that perpetuate silence and shame.

By understanding their experiences, offering support, and challenging societal norms, we can help men who suffer in silence find their path to healing.

First and foremost, it’s crucial to acknowledge that domestic violence against men is a reality.

Contrary to stereotypes, men can be victims of physical, emotional, and psychological abuse within intimate relationships.

The societal expectation of men as strong and invulnerable often makes it challenging for male survivors to come forward, fearing emasculation and disbelief.

However, this stereotype should not overshadow their pain or deter us from helping them.

Emasculation, a deeply ingrained fear, is one reason men might hesitate to seek help.

Society often equates masculinity with physical and emotional toughness, making it difficult for men to admit vulnerability.

Survivors may worry about being ridiculed or perceived as weak.

Therefore, creating a safe and nonjudgmental environment where men can share their experiences is crucial.

Supporting male survivors starts with listening, believing, and validating their feelings.

Offering empathy and understanding rather than judgment empowers them to overcome shame and guilt.

Encouraging them to seek professional help, whether through therapy or support groups, is another critical step.

These resources can provide the guidance and tools needed to heal emotional wounds and regain a sense of self-worth.

Education and awareness are paramount.

Society must dispel harmful myths and stereotypes surrounding male victims of domestic violence.

By challenging these norms, we create a culture where men feel less stigmatized and more encouraged to seek help.

Schools, workplaces, and communities should offer programs that promote gender equality and healthy relationships, erasing the notion that strength and vulnerability are mutually exclusive.

In considering statistics, it’s vital to recognize that domestic violence against men is underreported due to stigma and fear.

However, data from various sources reveal that a significant number of men experience abuse within relationships.

According to the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, approximately 1 in 4 men in the United States has experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner.
In conclusion, domestic violence against men is a painful reality that demands our attention and compassion.

By challenging stereotypes, providing support, and promoting education, we can create a world where male survivors no longer suffer in silence.

Together, we can ensure that all survivors, regardless of gender, find the help and healing they deserve.

Silently suffering.
Hidden pain.
No more.
~Rebecca Martin
10/01/2023

https://stacks.cdc.gov/view/cdc/46305