12/06/2025
BE A SPORT
Belonging Isn’t Enough, They Want to Matter
By Nancy Justis
It’s well documented that young athletes are quitting organized sports by the age of 13. Whether they aren’t having fun for whatever reason or their parents can’t afford the costs – quitting sports has mushroomed the last several years.
For many kids, just being on a team is enough. Though not earning starting roles, they still get to enjoy time with teammates. Some have been included in travel rosters. They put in their time at practice, in the weigh troom, in the gym by themselves putting up shots and at the free throw line. But for others, just making the team isn’t enough.
There has been a lot of talk in team culture recently about belonging. Daniel Coyle talked about it in The Culture Code, and Google’s Project Aristotle focused on belonging in the creation of psychological safety within a group. But Gaping Void, a leader in workplace culture, points out there is a difference between belonging and mattering. “Belonging just means you fit in culturally. Mattering means you’re essential to the team’s success.”
Through my own years of watching college and youth games, I have seen how non-starters dive into the opportunities of being part of a team. But if their presence isn’t valued by teammates and coaches, most don’t last. They become unhappy, disengaged, or move on to new programs. A recent article on The Powering of Mattering stressed that people need to be NEEDED, NOTICED and AFFIRMED.
Coaches, here are six ways to help your athletes feel they matter:
*High-quality connections. Research shows that 30-to-60 second moments of full connection can be huge for relationship impact.
*Scheduled one-on-ones: Schedule a dedicated time for one-on-one conversations, which show people they are a non-negotiable priority.
*Open questions: Showing curiosity in others’ lives and perspectives is a way of valuing contributions beyond their off- and on-court efforts.
*Full presence: Ditch your phone, shut down your computer and give your athletes full attention.
*Specific affirmations: Notice your athletes’ feelings and thoughts and validate their effort and struggles, helping them feel seen.
*Follow up on commitments: Take action on things you said you would do to support your athletes, showing them you are investing in them outside of your conversations.
Note to the “walk-ons” and “bench warmers”: if you aren’t getting the recognition deserved from your coaches, perhaps you should find a program that better fits your talent and ability. There is a place out there for you. You will matter.
Nancy Justis is a former competitive swimmer and college sports information director. She is a partner with Justis Creative Communications and the founder of Iowa Youth Sports Initiative. You may reach her at [email protected].
