11/05/2020
If you’re struggling with emotional pain that keeps you in a cycle of sadness or depression you could be experiencing grief.
I’m a certified Advanced Grief Recovery specialist.
Together we can work through the heartache that is holding you back.
Here’s a short read about forgiveness. Credit to the Grief Recovery Institute.
Whether you're grieving the loss of someone who is still alive, yet no longer involved in your life through divorce or by choice, or someone who has passed on, forgiveness during the grieving process is critical. It's not just freeing to you in general. It's also a key part of the grieving and recovery process. By embracing forgiveness, you'll be better able to move on with your own life in spite of the way you've been hurt in the past.
Forgiveness Doesn't Have to Be Direct
When someone has died, you obviously can't confront them about past sins or make an effort to forgive them in person. When someone is alive but estranged, direct forgiveness is equally unnecessary. In fact, a direct attempt at forgiving someone--saying, "I acknowledge that you wronged me in this way, but I choose to forgive you,"--creates more conflict than it resolves. In many cases, it leaves both parties feeling more estranged and isolated than before. Not only that, the natural urge for the other party to defend themselves will rise up and may lead to them turning around and attacking you in turn. As a result, you'll both feel worse than you did before.
Instead of insisting on a direct confrontation with the individual you're forgiving, keep it private. The goal is a sense of completion with the person or events within the relationship. You don't have to communicate with them in order to accomplish it; instead, we suggest you forgive them indirectly. The way to do this is outlined in The Grief Recovery Handbook and also used by our Certified Grief Recovery Specialists when they guide people through The Grief Recovery Method.
Forgiveness is an Action
There are plenty of people who assume that forgiveness is a feeling: a sense of relief, or the lightness that comes when you let go of the past. In reality, however, forgiveness requires action. You can't just expect it to happen; instead, you step forward and make a decision to forgive, regardless of whether or not the other party ever knows about it. Once you've completed the action, forgiveness during the grieving process, you're then able to reap the benefits of the feeling--not the other way around.
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