12/31/2025
~INSIGHTS 2026~
This past year, the end of 2024 through now the end of 2025 has been a year of significant change for me and my family. In December 2024, my parents and my wife’s mother transitioned to senior living. Early that month, I also helped my parents in navigating and completing the sale of their 50+ year old Mexican food restaurant, thus closing a chapter for our family with that business. Later that month, our daughter became engaged to a great guy she met while in grad school. My dad passed away last June at 92 after struggling with declining health over the past several years. Then in September, we celebrated our daughter, and now son-in-law’s, wedding in Butte in a beautiful fall, made only in Butte, type of atmosphere. Finally, yesterday, after roughly 52 years of working, I shared with my current manager that I would be retiring in 2026. It seems fitting to have started my work career at about age 11 at that Mexican food restaurant that meant so much to me and to have finished it working for that state that I have loved all these years.
A reasonable question might be, “Well Bill, that is a nice story, but what does it have to do with su***de prevention, loss, and grief?” My response is that it has EVERYTHING to do with that and much more. Hopefully, I can explain…or maybe just ramble a bit.
Change is the one constant in life and I have always believed it is important to embrace it fully. For me, when change happens, as it has in waves over the last year, I think about my past, present and future and all the good, not so good and bad that goes with it. And whether I want it to happen or not, my loved ones who have died come along for the ride in my mind. For me that now includes my father-in-law, Jacob, and my dad. Sometimes change, especially like I’ve experienced this past year, has a way of clearing out the cobwebs from my grief and bringing it front and center. For example, it was hard for me to not miss the absence of all three people at the wedding this fall. I wished they had the opportunity to be there with us for the joyous event and could get to know our son-in-law, but that wasn’t meant to be. Yet I knew, maybe because of my faith, that they were looking down and smiling on us. Jacob, in particular, would be happy for his sister to find her special person and an expanded family. And now, with my impending retirement, I think a lot about traveling with my wife and our 5th wheel and I imagine my father-in-law smiling and saying something like ‘good for you’ and ‘go explore and enjoy.’ I sure loved traveling with him. I reminisce and miss those times a lot. In a way, as my wife and I travel, we’ll carry those memories as we create new ones. Sometimes tears and a longing for my loved ones to return are included; a chance to hear their voice, feel their touch, and well, just catch up. All of this is assimilated into who I am at this stage of my journey as I continue to forge a path forward. It is difficult, beautiful and spiritual all at the same time.
I have learned the hard way, as many of us do, that there are many things out of our control in this life so it is important to focus on what I can control. Jacob’s death 12 years ago was one of those tragedies that created a crossroads for me. I could not imagine a life that did not include him, but a lot of life has happened, in those years since his death. At some point in my grieving process, I had to focus on what I could control and go along for the ride. And, the ride has been worthwhile. There have been ups and downs, of course, but that is life.
Forging a path as a soon to be retiree is just another one of those crossroads. Not having a job and the income that goes along with it is a little terrifying, but I’ve hopefully planned well and I would like to spend more time enjoying my wife and traveling while our health allows for it; hopefully, making many more memories. I too feel ready to pass the torch to the next generation. It seems to me, that is how it should be.
This all comes full circle, for me anyway, in the importance of our mental health. This life that has been given to us is a blessing and is worth it. It is worth living. None of us knows what the future holds, so I believe it is important to relish in the good that comes our way and ride out the turbulent times with the support of people who care. It is easy to say embrace the change, but like much in life, it is sometimes easier said than done. Especially when the path forward is unknown or possibly bleak. That is where supporting one another is so important. I 100% know that God made his presence known to me through the family and friends that held me up during those darkest times after Jacob’s death. And they still do so today. As I healed, I have been able to be that person for others struggling. In a small way, paying the kindness forward and making new friends in the process.
So, as we look to 2026, I wish you and your family many blessings for the changes in life ahead. May you be surrounded by people that support you and hold you up, especially during life’s challenges and may you be the light for someone close to you in need.
Happy New Year!
~Bill Wheeler
Depression is treatable and su***de is preventable. If you are in crisis and want help, please call, text, or chat the Montana Crisis Lifeline, 24/7, at 988.
