12/02/2025
๐ฟ Trauma Anniversaries
My apologies for going quiet in July. When life happens, trauma work is often the first thing pushed to the back burner. These last few months have required all of my time, attention, and strength.
As many of you know, my daughter Addison has a terminal developmental disability, Leukodystrophy POHL R3. Alongside her medical needs, Iโve been navigating a divorce and fighting multiple battles on her behalf with state agencies and through the legal system. She is doing well right now, but the advocacy required has been consuming.
Creating and working through The Shook Project has always been emotional work, and what happened in July was simply too much for me to carry at once. However, my parents are not something I can โput awayโ or distance myself from in December, so Iโm slowly returning to this work to continue my own healing.
Although my experience โ surviving a serial killer and losing both of my parents โ is incredibly unique, many trauma survivors experience something similar: trauma anniversaries.
Why Trauma Anniversaries Happen
Trauma is stored in the body, nervous system, and sensory systems, not just in conscious memory. The body may react before you understand why.
The body remembers cues such as time of year, weather, smells, light patterns, sounds, and routines. Any similarity to the original trauma can trigger survival responses.
The nervous system tracks patterns, not dates. Reactions can begin weeks before the anniversary.
During anniversaries, the body may return to hypervigilance, irritability, dissociation, or shutdownโeven when nothing dangerous is happening.
Survivors often say: โI didnโt know the anniversary was coming until my body reminded me.โ
Common reactions include anxiety, grief waves, intrusive memories, fatigue, sleep disturbances, cognitive fog, appetite changes, isolation, and feeling overwhelmed or unsafe. For many adult survivors of childhood trauma, anniversaries can feel like old emotions resurfacing, unexplained dread, emotional flooding, exhaustion, or grief that feels brand new.
Survivors of violent crimeโespecially cases involving serial offendersโoften face involuntary anniversary triggers, including:
โข the killerโs name appearing publicly
โข media portrayals, documentaries, or articles
โข community silence or avoidance
โข commercialization or branding linked to the perpetrator
These create what researchers call โchronic anniversary activation through environmental cues.โ
This isnโt regression. Itโs the nervous system revisiting what was never fully processed.
We live in a world of performative perfection, where honesty about trauma doesnโt feel safe for most of us. Social media certainly doesnโt make it easier. Iโve spent most of my life feeling like Iโm โtoo much,โ or a burden to the people I am closest toโespecially from Thanksgiving through mid-December. I never feel quite right during that time of year, and for a long time I didnโt understand why.
If sharing my experience helps even one person feel less alone, then itโs worth it.
Saying this time of year is hard is an understatement. Every day feels like rolling the diceโnever knowing what version of myself Iโll wake up as or the mood swings I will experience. I had nightmares for 37 years until I finally found the right therapy. There is nothing worse than trying to stay awake just to avoid sleep because sleep means reliving the thing you survived.
The anniversary effect shows up in many ways for me:
โข irritability and anger over nothing
โข crying out of nowhere
โข isolating
โข dissociation
โข irrational fear
โข intense emotional flooding
โข not being able to communicate
โข two-a-days at the gym so I have somewhere to put my anger
โข forgetfulness
โข intrusive thoughts
โขfeeling heavy for days at a time
โข not eating all day
โข working too much
โข feeling shame that doesnโt belong to me
And yet, I am incredibly grateful. The people who have supported meโwho have allowed me to feel what I need to feel, who have loved me without expecting a performanceโhave given me more healing than they will ever know.
The best gift anyone can offer another human being is to honor who they are, honor their lived experiences, and allow them to simply be.
There have been moments where Iโve felt like life has taken so much from me, but it has also given me a great deal in return. The Shook Project has brought more healing into my life than words can expressโespecially during seasons like this. To everyone who has supported it, contributed, shared, or simply held space: thank you. Truly.
